Living Like A Trapstar

only want the best for you

We never really had " the talk " it was me, mama, Corey, and Tiffani, well she goes by Tiff now. Mama always taught us don't run through parks at night, don't run in the streets, take of your hoodie in the boldega. Of course Tiffani never listened though. Tiffani doesn't do much around the house since she dropped out senior year. She thought she was going to get married and live happily ever after. Just ended up alone by herself. Ever since then she hasn't went back to school, she hasn't smiled the same, she barely touches me, maybe she's depressed I don't even know but I miss the old Tiffani, back when she didn't tell people to call her Tiff, back when she didn't go to parties and use pills, back when we were just a happy family. Mama can't control her anymore well I don't think she ever could. - Jasmin, 19.

"Tiffani can you pick up your junk on my side of the room. You're always doing some shit." "You don't listen literally everyone calls me Tiff but you. Stop calling me Tiffani I hate that name." Tiffani looked like she wanted to tear up but I guess she couldn't. I'll never ever call her Tiff, that's me accepting the new her and I will never do that. "You should've knew he was never gonna marry your dumbass." "Wow Jasmin you crossed a line. Leave me alone on everything bro." " What are you gonna do? Tiffani." Before anything could go down Corey came. "Now what are you guys arguing about?" "Corey tell her to call me Tiff." " No." " Look mama trying to sleep and you guys arguing for what?" " You know what it's whatever I got places to be." "Tiffani where are you going it's about to be midnight." " The fuck you care? Leave me alone." Corey intervened again " Don't talk your older sister like that. You dropped out at 17 and it's been a year and you not doing shit with your life." " Fuck y'all." " Tiffani I hope you're not going to see that boy again." "I don't care Jasmin, I don't give a fuck what you think. Let me be happy." "Remember last time you were happy, you ended up dropping out of school and planning to get married." " That's it. If mama wake up tell her I'll be here by morning." "Ight lil sis." "Seriously Corey, stop her." "Aint shit I can do but let her be."

Sometimes I believe in god, sometimes I don't. What type of god would change Tiffani like this? Make us be so poor. So poor I couldn't even finished school. I had goals in life I really did. Corey had goals but he didn't want to go college. I did, I want to be successful and get my family out the hood, even Tiffani.

It's 3:45am and I literally almost have a heart attack. I see a skinny figure with brown hair. It was dark but once I turned my lamp light on I realized it was Tiffani. My sister was so gorgeous, pretty hazel eyes, her hair was long and bouncy just like mama except hers was a light brown and mine was really dark maybe even close to black. Tiffani had a tiny gap because mama didn't have enough for her braces. Even so she was always focused on her attention from boys she got a lot and maybe that's what messed her up. Well me, my skin was clear and dark just like my grandmother. My hair is long but I don't really like it maybe I'm a box braids kind of girl. I was jealous of Tiffani's hazel eyes but she looked just like me. I was never really focused on boys, just wanted to be something. Corey on the other end was so light he could pass off as a white if his hair wasn't so nappy. Mama always told Tiffani and I not to call him our half sibling, even though he was. He has a good dad, writes letters, sends mama money, but never enough. Corey had hazel eyes just like Tiffani. He's 21 now so he grew a beard and gets all the girls. Back in middle school he was just some chubby kid with a nice smile. Once he became a junior he grew. He was 6'3 now and skinny, his voice got deeper so all the girls chased after him. He's definitely a ladies man. Corey makes money as a janitor. Enough money for Tiffani and I to get school supplies and get our hair done. He hated his job and regretted dropping out of school. I never wanted to be miserable like Corey I wanted to be something. Mama knew that so she saved money for me to go to college I think deep down it hurt Tiffani since mama never saved for her. It's a shame mama's money went to waste. My mother, she's gorgeous she had really long hair before she lost it all from chemo. She was real dark, darker then me. People called her Dawn since she was so dark. She never cared though mama doesn't like her name " Sabrina " says it reminds her of bad times. Cancer or not my mama is gorgeous. If it wasn't for family I don't think mama could afford chemo.

"Tiffani why are you on my bed? It's almost 4:00am and I have a job interview." "Jasmin I couldn't sleep I had a nightmare about mama. Can I sleep with you just for tonight?" "Alright Tiffani but first tell me when you got home." " I got home at 2:33am but don't worry I was with Autumn, I haven't seen her in a while. We ate some ice cream and watched a movie." I wasn't mad at Tiffani, Autumn was good kid and Tiffani's best friend but once she dropped out of school Autumn went on without her. Autumn wasn't in college though. Her mother was a surgeon but not your average surgeon. Her mother took out inoperable tumors on big celebrities and she made a fortune. Her father owns nightclubs one of the most popular nightclubs in New York. He has three other night clubs in California, Atlanta, and New Jersey so she was locked in for life. Autumn's mother was white and her father was black so she ain't know what race to hang with she was too black for the white girls and too white for the black girls until Tiffani and her became bestfriends freshman year. They hung out everyday. Autumn never judged us for being poor. Autumn was really pretty she had silk, long, wavy light brown hair but it was mixed with blond so sometimes people thought it was fake. Her eyes were bright green, she had those skinny noses but it fit her face, and her lips weren't too big but weren't too small either. Autumn was tall, real tall she was about 5'10 which is crazy because Tiffani and I are short. Tiffani was 5'2 but she had a mouth and she could fight just like I taught her. She never let anybody mess with Autumn doesn't matter if you're a girl, boy, dog, cat, it aint matter to her. Autumn was a model but it wasn't until she modeled for Louis Vuitton that she got noticed. Of course Autumn had to lie about her age but nobody knew that she was only 17. She went to all those famous pool parties and those VIP clubs, you know the ones big celebrities go to. Even though Autumn had all this money she went to public school in Brooklyn, she didn't want to be those prissy girls at those private schools she wanted a different high school experience that was full of people of color not white people that always asked her if they could say nigga.

Okay good, thought you were with that boy again." "Jasmin I don't really want to talk about him I just want sleep." "Tiffani, I only want the best for you." "Yeah. I know."