My Highschool Life

3

Jaden's POV:

Everything is wrong with me.

I can't understand why people are still friends with me. I'm just this one goddamn annoying person who speaks too loud, hates herself and can't seem to forget what happened in the past.

My mind keeps on replaying the incident over and over again, and it's making me crazy. Normally, I would talk to Xyla but for some reason I'm not talking to her. We haven't been talking for four days and it's really normal for us to not talk that long even though we're best friends. 

I really really hate myself right now. For a person who talks a lot, I'm amazed at how good I am at keeping things I want to talk about a secret. 

Jaden you can't tell your friends now, shut your mouth, I scolded myself.

No one knows and I am so sure no one even believes that I'm this one girl who is so damn pessimistic. People come looking for me for advice, not to damage their self-esteem. I guess I'm that way with people and not me. I sometimes even wonder why I don't follow my own advice, it would help me. Now, enough about myself, I should continue on doing what I was doing, which is.... talking to myself, oh wow now i'm sure people will think of me weirdly.

" Jaden, come down, we're going out," my mum shouted from downstairs.

" Okay, mum. I'll be right down. Just need to get ready." mumbling the last part to myself.

I mentally gave myself a 'you're gonna be fine' chant and took my bag racing down the stairs quickly to avoid my parents shouting at me to calm down. Once we were all settled in the car, I took my earphone which was connected to my phone and put one in my ear to listen to some music.

I was listening to Wrong Direction from Hailee Steinfeld when I started tearing up. Hailee was in a rough place when she wrote this song. Not long after, I told my mum to connect my phone to the car so I could sing along with it without looking like a freak.

" I don't hate you,

No, I couldn't if I wanted to

I just hate all the hurt that you put me through

And that I blame myself for letting you

Did you know I already knew? " I sang softly.

" Couldn't even see you through the smoke,

Looking back I probably should have known,

But I just wanted to believe that you were out sleeping alone,

Loved me with your worst intentions,

Didn't even stop to question,

Every time you burned me down, don't know how, for a moment it felt like heaven.

Loved me with your worst intentions,

Painted us a happy ending,

Every time you burned me down, don't know how, for a moment it felt like heaven,

And it's so gut-wrenching, falling in the wrong direction. " I sang, my voice filled with emotion,  even though I was singing softly, I couldn't help but let a few of my tears fall because of how much meaning the song meant.

After having a small sob fest, I quickly wiped my tears so people wouldn't notice that I was crying, I mean, no one would think that I would cry because they all see me as this happy person who can't seem to keep her mouth shut.

Once we reached our destination, I asked my dad, " Where are we going? Are we going to eat? I remembered telling you I wanted to eat at TGI Fridays, are we going to eat there? "

" Could you shut up for a while. No wonder people call you talkative, so annoying, " my dad muttered under his breath so that I couldn't hear him, unfortunately, I did but I just shrugged it off like it was nothing because i'm not supposed to know. 

"  Sorry Jaden, we're going to eat at Chili's not TGI Fridays, we'll eat there next time, okay? " He promised. Deep down, I knew we wouldn't eat at TGI Fridays but I just acted like I had hope, and I also know that the promise my dad made will never be fulfilled, I mean, it wasn't the first time my family had let me down. 

We walked to Chili's and once we reached there, my brothers started fighting over which seat to sit in the booth. Me being me, I sat down at the seat near the exit if I needed to go to the bathroom. Once my parents stopped my brothers from arguing even more, they all settled down in the booth. The waiter came to our booth and asked for our order, I told my dad what I wanted and once I did, I went on my phone and read some Pinterest quotes. Once my Beef Enchiladas and Iced Lemon Tea arrived, I started digging in to avoid any sort of conversation with my family. It's not that I hated them to the point of not making conversation with them, I just didn't want to talk to anyone which is perfectly normal for me. I would talk to them if I wanted to but I feel like an outcast in my own family. My parents talk to each other about work and all those adult things while my brothers talked about games and play. Then there's me who doesn't have a sibling to talk to and can't talk to Xyla because she's busy. That's why i'm on my phone all the time, i'm lonely.

After finishing my food, I took my earphone to listen to some music. Normally, I would observe my surroundings to see if anything was a threat. My dad taught me to be more observant because of how unobservant I was.

Flashback

I was currently in my dad's car when I asked, " How come you would remember where to go after using that road only once? "

" I always observe where I am, so that I could remember where I go the next time I come here, you should too. I don't want you to be unobservant. Okay Jaden, how many traffic lights did we pass by just now? " My dad asked.

His question caught me off guard, I didn't know he would test me about my observation skills. " Ummm.... four....? " I guessed, I didn't know how many traffic lights we passed. 

" Wrong, It was seven. You should improve your observation skills. Not only that, you also have to listen to people. Never make that kind of mistake again, Jaden, " My dad reminded me.

end*

Now I'm sitting in a Chili's booth waiting for my family to finish eating. After digesting my food, my stomach starts to get impatient and thats when I know I had to go to the restroom. I excused myself from the table and made my way to the restroom. In all honesty, that wasn't the only reason why I had to go to the restroom, it was also partially because of me getting too overwhelmed. Chili's is a really busy restaurant, which means a lot of people. And when there's a lot of people, I tend to have a really tiny anxiety attack which is really stupid if you ask me.

Coming back from the restroom, I saw that my family had finished eating. " Are you guys done eating? We can go home now, " I told them when they nodded at my question. We quickly paid for the food and went to the car.

When we reached home, I told my parents that I would take a shower and go to sleep before rushing back to my room. I quickly took a shower and wore my clothes before getting a book to read. I started to read and before I knew it, it was already 2 o'clock in the morning. I put the book I finished reading aside and went to sleep with a mind filled with fictional characters.

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Wooh, that was the longest chapter I ever wrote. Hope you guys like the story so far. PEACE!!✌🏻