Broken Girl, Broken Soul

Chapter 2- Be Happy I' m Still Breathing

Well not everyone got everything going okay in their lives but I swear mine is worse. I still wanna believe there's some good in my life but I just can't find any... 

"Jonathan get off me I'm not ready for this" I could hear my very own muffled screams in my ears. I kept trying to throw Jonathan off of me but he was too strong and i was starting to get weak. It was like the sweet and understanding boy I  knew just disappeared and  I was left with this monster , beast that scared me to death. I kept on screaming , crying and hitting him and all he could do was smirk at me. As he was about to put his thing in me , I suddenly got strength that I didn't know where the hell it came from, I finally managed to push him off me and I ran towards the bathroom in his bedroom and I locked myself in there. 

I was scared and terrified. All i could see was the scene that just happened in front of me and all I could hear was the muffled screams , sobs and words that I couldn't get him to understand nor hear. I was crouched down by the sink and  I couldn't think nor hear anything I was empty. My eyes landed on something sharp I couldn't really see it was cause everything was hazy as my eyes were filled with tears. I could hear Jonathan vaguely calling out to me and banging the door but I was too concentrated on what I was about to do. I finally got close to the object and it was a razor blade. I took it into my hands and adrenaline started to take it's course and I don't know how it happened or when but i had slit my wrist but not to deep cause i was abruptly stopped by a pair of hands that i couldn't recognize at that time. I was lifted up by the pair of hands as i was about to look up to the one who had me in their arms I fell unconscious.

 I heard multiple voices calling out and shouting. "She has had one of her episodes" , " She's losing a lot of blood" , "Get her to Ward 7" , "You'll be okay honey"... As I opened my eyes a strong smell of medicine hit my nostrils , the blinding lights as my eyes tried getting used to the lighting. No body was a round luckily i could have a moment to myself. I tried to remember how I got here and what lead me to get here but everything was vague and blurry I couldn't come up with anything. Suddenly my mother bursts in through the door. "Honey what happened to you, how did this happen" she blurted out. "Mom really be happy I'm still breathing cause i really hate my life and i hate that this keeps happening to me it would have been better if I died" I shouted. Tears started to form around my mother's eyes and she quickly wiped them away " Don't you dare say that. You don't know how hard this is for me too and it is really taking a toll on me too. I hate what's happening to  you these episodes are really getting bad. If it wasn't for the girl who found you in the restroom in the restaurant you were in and the boy who helped you and got you here I don't know what would have happened to you" she said  in a shaky yet calm voice. I was baffled and confused I thought i was in Jonathan's bathroom then it all came back to me. I was in the restaurant that Jonathan and I used to like going to and I was thinking about all the lovely and beautiful memories we had , then suddenly this bad and scary one memory crept in and I couldn't breath properly so I ran to the restroom. I sat beside the sink and brought my knees to my chest  and cried profusely. I saw a razor blade by a bin in the restroom and i quickly ran to it and slit my wrist and what happened after that is a blur. 

"Honey are you okay" mom asked me in a monotone voice. I hadn't notice that i hadn't said a word in 10 minutes. I calmly asked her to leave me alone for a bit to think. She left without arguing like she normally does. I sat there and thought about how this so called episodes need to stop. I will no longer let them take over me especially Jonathan......

A/N : What you think?