winter moon | critique shop

Love You Anymore

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Love You Anymore
Lucha_Mia

Raia's Note: Hi! Thank you for trusting me to critique your story. I am not a professional critic but I will do my best to give you the critique you deserve by integrating everything I have learned. My words may come harsh depending on how much improvement you need but I will also praise you where it is due. Eitherway, rest assured I won't find faults only for the sake of it nor will I bash you without even giving you advice to improve your craft. Moreover, please be reminded that my suggestions are meant only to address what I deem lacking and needs improvement, and are not attempts to fix or change your story, in any way.

Here it is! Sorry for the long wait!

⚘ THE HOOK

Cover

The cover is nice and simple. Fitting enough for your genre. Suggest ko lang, since the mood of your story is sad and regretful, mas maganda siguro kung ganoon din ang nararamdaman ng characters sa cover mo. Darken the color scheme a li'l, too. The font, on the other hand, is good but not good enough. Medyo kailangan ding i-adjust ang placement ng texts para mas eye-catching siya tignan.

Title

Love You Anymore.

Alright, so honestly, sa unang basa ko palang nito ay nalito talaga ako. Generally, it's grammatically obscure. People would normally use 'anymore' in negative sentences, such as "I don't love you anymore" as opposed to "I still love you". But perhaps, it's just a dialectual difference. I've researched and found out people in certain regions use "anymore" as a positive adverb. Besides, may kanta din atang ganyan ang title?

Blurb

The only downside of your book is that you don't have a blurb. What you have in the description is merely a tagline. And a tagline is not a blurb, nor is it your pitch. While it piques readers' interests, it is not enough to convince them to invest their attention on your book. After all, the purpose of a blurb is to explain to potential readers why your book is worth their time and effort. You have to tell them why your book is what they're looking for by hinting your story's concept, core and twist. Displaying your book's purpose is the way to gather your target audience. Mahalaga din na ipaalam mo sa mga mambabasa, as soon as possible, kung saan napapatungkol ang istoryang isinulat mo. Without it, para mo lang silang pinaharap sa isang blangkong pintuan nang hindi alam kung ano ang nasa likod nito. Some might take this as a challenge but if you were on their shoes, would you really take the risk of wasting your time and open the door?

Prologue

As I can see, what you have in your opening are an epistolary-style prologue and a poem. The way you let us take a peek of your story through both the hero and heroine's point of view is properly executed. The words were very heartfelt and detailed, reason why the right emotions were also properly delivered. You showed us where the characters are coming from and what was in their heart, without dumping too much information. Also, you used figurative language and repetition quite well to emphasize the emotions, and even the theme. You write well and clean. Iyong tipong magkahalong kilig, tuwa, at sakit ang mararamdaman ng mambabasa.

Personally, when it comes to prologue, I really don't find this style much exciting. Lalo na at kadalasang gumagamit ng mga ganito ay hindi naman talaga alam ang ginagawa nila. But in your case, you knew your way around words, your genre, and your style, so congratulations because yes, you succeeded on that part. Everything on it has a touch of your own uniqueness. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang kung ano din ang nararamdaman ng mga karakter sa bawat mabibigat na salitang binibitiwan nila. I scrolled through the comments and found out that they, too, were all moved and affected by your words. That alone, is already impressive. Keep it up!