(Enter a large bar in the Galar region, where we find Nolan Fargus, looking very out of place, sitting in a booth. In the other side is Gloria, the female protagonist of Pokemon Sword and Shield. She's drinking a beer and NF has an untouched glass of water in front of him.)
NF: So, uh, miss-
G: 'Ang on a spot, I've got ter finish this. *chugs half-full tumbler in a single slurp* Alrigh' wot were you sayin'?
NF: I came here to interview you. I'm from the-
G: *waves him off* I know, I know, the FNN.
NF: Well then I suppose there's no postponing the inevitable. Onto the first question: Which starter did you choose?
G: Well I wen ter go pick ma staerter with me mum, an she was like, "you should pick the monkeh, 'e's so cute and I got all angry I was like "no I'm not gonna pick tha foken monkeh 'e looks like a right pussy' so I chose the Scorbunneh because 'e looks like a gangstaer fully evolved an so I got 'im an me mum was like "ye fire-fightin' fag" an I was like "so? Wot are ye gonna do with your useless foken Corvisquire?"
NF: So you chose the Scorbunny?
G: *frustrated* YES YOU FOKEN PORRIDGE 'EADED GIT *pulls up sleeve of cardigan to reveal tattoo of a Scorbunny* I GOT 'IM TATTOOED ON MA SHOULDER AND EVERYTHIN'!
NF: O-okay, sorry. What, uh, what-
G: *yells off to a waitress* OI, FLOOSIE! COME OVER 'ERE WITH 2 PINTS O' BITTER PLEASE!
NF: Oh no, I don't do alcohol.
(A waitress brings G two mugs and then leaves)
G: They're not for you. *chugs*
NF: Ah. My next question is, what are your views on-
G: *buzzed* YA KNOW, I 'ATE IT WEN THA GYM LEADERS SAY SOMETHIN LIKE " AY YOU'RE GETTING STRONG, AREN'T YA? " LIKE I'M NOT GONNA GRAB THE XP SHARE AND GO " AYEE I'M BOUT TER FOKEN LEVEL LIKE A BUG!"
NF: That's reasonable.
G: I think they're all jus a load o' slowcoaches.
NF: I believe you. What are your views on those that believe you and Marnie would pair up well?
G: *suddenly very grave* Aye, I wish she would come around. I jus want ter clap those rockstar cheeks ONCE! *takes a large swig and pulls out a cigarette, offering NF another*
NF: No thanks, I don't smoke.
G: *nods and gets the Scorbunny sitting next to her to light her cigarette before putting it in her mouth and puffing on it disconsolately* I miss me dad.
NF: Oh yeah! What happened to your dad? Most Pokemon protagonists don't have dads, which I find odd.
G: Well, *puff* if you're a normie, ya think it's some sort o' military conspiracy o' sorts. That's bullshet, Pokemon dimension dads just aren't responsible. Mine said he went off to buy Pokeballs. *swig* Not true, o' course.
NF: Maybe the line is just really long?
G: *makes a snort sound mixed with a chuckle*
NF: What are your thoughts on PETA using Pokemon to promote animal abuse?
G: THEY DID WOT?
NF: Did you not know?
G: *angrily* I'M GONNA FOKEN TEAR THOSE STUPID ANIMAL-FOKERS LIMB FROM LIMB! *charges out of the bar screaming in rage*
NF:
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(A waitress approaches the table)
Waitress: Excuse me sir, here's the bill. *hands NF bill and then leaves*
NF: *drops bill and sprints the hell out off there*
