Talkative

Thank you - Day 9

Namjoon's eyes grew wide.

"Wh-what? Are you serious? Have you already talked to him?"

Panic bubbled in him but Taehyung stayed surprisingly calm and unbothered. Now that it was out, he noticed the knot in his guts dissolving.

"No, I haven't talked to him yet. I wanted a week ago, but I butted out last minute. But it also wasn't about the band." Taehyung remembered he hadn't talked to anyone about anything that's going on. He only called his mother two days ago, mentioning he might pay them a visit soon.

"Why? What was it about?", Namjoon nerves were on fire and his hands started to tremble. "I promise you, Taehyung-ah, we'll find a way to sort this out. I'll sit Jungkook and Yoongi down on their butts and have them take a Namjoon-scolding before I send them to Bang PD and-"

"You don't have to do that, hyung. They don't have to do anything either. Hyung... There has been a lot going on for me. And I noticed things before Jimin told me anything, anyway."

Namjoon sighed heavily and looked at the younger one with almost pleading eyes. Of course he would be confused if Taehyung told him boldly just like that. The latter took another minute in silence and tried to sort his thoughts and words.

"I won't burst in his office and just tell him I want to leave. Because I don't. I don't want to leave actually. But I'll aks for a break at least", it probably wasn't soothing for Namjoon at all that Taehyung didn't see a less radical solution, but Namjoon also didn't know everything.

"Hyung, this is not even about what's going on between us. What's going on between the members just made it worse. And I can't go on like that, it's too much for me."

"Taehyung-ah, what exactly are you talking about?", Namjoon sounded unsure, like he was already trying to see it coming - Taehyung knew he couldn't.

"I am sick, you are right about that. And I am tired. And I have to fix myself first before I can deal with anyone else's problem. To speak really honestly... I kinda lost my trust in you guys. And if you don't want to- I mean, if even you let yourself be dragged into excluding one member from private activities... I don't know what to expect when I wanted to talk to you about a personal   issue like that. What I've seen so far doesn't look like you care." Namjoon felt like the air was literally knocked out of his chest at Taehyung's words.

"B-but aren't you... speaking about something like a personal issue with me right now?", Namjoon tried weakly and Taehyung almost huffed in amusement, especially as the other one cringed at his own words. "What even do you mean 'fix yourself'? It's not you're a robot that has to go to repair."

Taehyung had feared it sounded ridiculous. It did! It was selfish to draw back now that their problem had basically reached its peak. But he really wasn't feeling it anymore. He wasn't feeling anything, somehow. Just emptyness and disappointment.

"Hyung, forgive me but I really don't feel like talking about it in detail. Not to you because I know you'll tell the others what happened. I don't even know if I'll be able to tell PD nim. I should though."

"But Taehyung!", Namjoon almost yelped, "We're just about to start the scripting and recording for the new album - and what about the tour? If you go now, what do you think will happen?" It sounded like Namjoon was actually getting a little angry about that aspect. Oh yeah, couldn't have thought about leaving earlier, or ask for a break for after tour - everyone would profit from that!

"I guess we'll have to talk about that, too. And I'll do that. I'll make a list and add that", Taehyung couldn't help the obvious pinch of sarcasm to his voice. Really, Taehyung was in relation to their situation opening up to Namjoon and told him about what he saw about necessary to fix whatever was going on and Namjoon of course thought about the band first. More like, the other five members. And even though Taehyung couldn't quite blame him, he didn't even consider that Taehyung was thinking something behind randomly leaving them.

"Namjoon, I waited way too long for this. Trust me on this one. I'll talk to Bang PD, I don't promise we'll come up with a final solution right away, but please don't stop me."

Taehyung's vision blurred with tears. He knew he was stupid for telling Namjoon, for talking. He should have just told the boss last week. He sure hoped he could do that today. He would be screwed if he retreated a second time, because after that he would never even be able to built up the courage to go to him again.

Namjoon looked uneasier than ever, confused and slightly panicked. He clearly couldn't wrap his head around what Taehyung had just told him, no hate, tho.

"Okay... So, let's assume you talk about it and come up with a way that you can leave. And then?", Taehyung sighed internally, of relief, that is.

"Hm, I don't exactly know. Probably go home and live with my family, until I find a place and some things I can do for a living." The part where he would go to therapy he left out on purpose, no need to open a whole new can of worms.

"And those things you have to fix first? What about that?", Taehyung smiled half-heartedly. Of course Namjoon wouldn't let go of that. He shrugged, no words needed. "Will we keep in touch? I mean... Is it final?", Namjoon's voice was calm, but Namjoon wasn't.

"I can't tell. I don't think Bang PD will let anyone of go without sitting us down togehter and whooping all of our asses", both of them snorted softly at the image but Namjoon as well as Taehyung knew this was pretty much what's going to happen. "I mean... We should talk all together without him, he will want to talk to you all without me. Nothing is final right now, hyung. A lot of things don't even feel real to me, hyung. I don't know what's going to be tomorrow."

Namjoon nodded. "Yeah, that makes sense."

The leader couldn't help but smile sadly. He knew Taehyung wasn't being stupid or egoistic; Taehyung was an observer and thinking ahead all the time. And if Taehyug had decided to keep quiet on something, Namjoon knew he could trust him on it.

Problem was Namjoon overthought all the time, too. Now that he knew Taehyung was struggling totally independently from their issue with the band, the older one sure would miss a few hours of sleep.

"I guess we'll stop here now?", he asked when both of them kept quiet. He knew better than to push.

He knew a lot about the members. He knew better on most occasions. Right now, his head was swimming with knowing he knew nothing.

"Yes, I'd appreciate it, hyung. Thank you, though. For talking and... listening." Taehyung looked like he wanted to say something else and Namjoon sensed it.

"I'll try not to give away too much to the members. I'll just say you're taking your time thinking about it, yeah?", Namjoon assured the younger one. No need to turn disrespectful.

Taehyung nodded and blinked at the burning sensation in his eyes. "Thank you."