ok so, im a lil awkward, but I really need to know if anyone else understands or knows what to do, so... imma vent.... TW!.
DONT KEEP READING IF SENSITIVE!
the voices started years ago. me, aged 7, hearing them there. shouting at me. I was going to tell someone, but they told me not to. me, age 7, manipulated for the first time.
me, age 8, walking around, them following me, I felt as if they were really there. everytime they spoke, I jumped and turned around, seeing them there. me, age 8, seeing them for the first time.
me, age 9, being told to die, to kill myself and cut myself. turning around to see them there, knowing each time who it was. me, age 9, being used to them for the first time.
me, age 10, expecting them. them always being there, never leaving me be. their dark shadows following me around, but im not phased. after all, theyre right. them telling me to kill myself until i tried. and I cut. me, age 10, doing what they say for the first time.
me, age 11, attempt after attempt. thinking whats the point. they have personalities now, looks and names. there's Lucy, she's not the worst. she comes out every now and then, but never too aggressive. theres Lucas, Lucy's brother. hes in the middle, hes not always there, but when he is, he hurts me a lot. I always listen to him. then, theres Leo. hes always there. his constant yells break my heart one piece at a time. he has never stopped being there, ever since they day it began. i believe him always. hes the one who is there 24/7, telling me that im worthless, fat, ugly and that life isn't worth living. theres a few more, unnamed, they come out only very rarely. they are the ones who grab my heart and my feelings and smash them into pieces. they do the most damage, but they aren't the worst, seeing as I don't see them a lot.
they hurt me. but now ive told someone. and its worse than ever. because they now shout at me more, the unnamed coming out frequently to tell me why that was a bad idea and hat I deserve for pursuing it. theye here right now, telling me not to post this, but hey, it cant get much worse.
please comment on this, I need people to understand and I cant know that unless they say.
sorry.
