Bobs burgers fan fiction episode, comedy

You Art Not To Fall Bob

Scene 1 opens with Linda frantically running about Gayles apartment helping her pack her suitcases while talking on the phone to her parents.
Linda "No mom I told ya don't worry bout a thing we'll be right there GAYLE GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM WE GOTTA GO. No mom you and dad just stay put and call your neighbors if you need anything before we get there don't leave the house.......why nottt? ma you got the flu both of yous we don't need you runnin around Florida sick ok Gayle and I are on our way out the door now GAYLE COME ON alright byyye maaaa see you in a bit" Linda hangs up her flip phone and sighs heavily as she hears a commotion in the bathroom followed by Gayle sobbing. "What now" Linda mumbles under her breath, then forces a bright smile as she enters the bathroom. "Gaaayyle sweetie what's going on in here ya ready?what was that noi oh geez" Linda tries to keep it together as she views Gayle clutching her cat Mr Business sitting on the floor beside the toilet crying. Gayle blubbers "Oh Linda something's wr wr wroooongggg" Mr business wiggles to try to get away but Gayle tightens her grip. "Mr business almost choked to death right in front of me ohhhhh and then he vomited  something all over the tub!!!!" She says kicking her legs and pointing. Linda takes the totally normal looking cat in her arms and gives him a look over. "Gayle he's fine look it he's fiiine seeee hehe he's purrin he's fine" Gayle glares at Linda and flings herself over the tub rail pointing. "THEN WHAT IS THAT LINDA. DO YOU THINK I DONT KNOW WHEN MY OWN CAT IS DYING HE NEVER VOMITS LIKE THAT NEVER" Linda peeks over into the tub and finds a huge wet hairball. "Woooowww boy that's a big one. But Gayle hun it's just a fur ball cats cough up fur balls all the time don't they? I read that somewhere that's like their thing they love it now come on he's fine let's take him to Teddys we're gonna be late I told teddy we'd be there by 5." Gayle shakes her head vigorously and grabs the cat. "No linda I'm not leaving him with some stranger like this" Linda replies "wha teddys not a stranger he's like family and he said he'd be happy to watch mr business for ya wait Gayle what are you doin" Gayle begins stuffing mr business in her suitcase. "He's coming with me linda, what happened today can only mean one thing, Mr Business has got..." *Dramatic music with a closeup of her face* "CAT FLU"....Meow. End scene

Scene 2 we see bob nearly tripping as he and the kids enter the grocery store. They are excited and all three try to shove past him into the store doors at once. Bob "ALRIGHT ALREADY JUST GO GO SPEND YOUR ALLOWANCE" he sighs in a huff and backs up letting them go in first. "God hurry back Lin" he mutters to himself and takes a deep breath before calmly walking in the store. He heads straight to the candy aisle where the kids had decided to cash in their money. He can already hear the commotion two aisles away as Louise raises her voice "NO T!! ITS MINE I SAW IT FIRST GENE OH MY GOD IF YOU DONT BACK UP ILL TAKE THIS WHOLE PLACE DOWN YOU HEAR ME!!! DO YOU HEAR ME GROCERY STORE CIVILIANS!!! THERE.WILL.BE.NO SURVIVORS!!!!" Bob quickened his pace "Oooohh my God Louise! Kids! Whatever it is you're doing knock it off and for the love of god gene do as she says" As he rounds the corner Tina groans "uuuuhhhhh I'm scared but I want those sticky sugar booms damnit it's the last one!" She lunges at Louise who has climbed up onto the candy racks with the last pack hurling gum balls with her new slingshot at a nearby Gene. Gene can be heard screaming in agony "Nooooo not my penis Louise it's so young so innocent whyyyyy". The weight of the candy racks can't hold up when Tina lunges herself up and the entire shelf tips over as Bob rushes in to grab the two girls just before it hits the floor. A crowd of people start to form around them to see what happened and bob sits the two down in exasperation. "Your mom hasn't been gone two hours and you've already destroyed half the grocery store! I can't believe all this over some stupid candy whoooaa!" *crash*  Not looking he backs up and slides on a gum ball falling backwards into the crowd. A thump followed by a crack and a loud moan was heard. Bob "Ohhhmy god that did not sound good what what was that noise" The distinct voice of Edith rose from the crowd,"MURDERER!!!" She points her finger at bob accusingly. Bob "wait WHAT who's a murderer what are you talking ab-" Edith butts in "YOU KILLED MY HUSBAND WITH YOUR DISGUSTING OBESE GREASY BODY!!" Harold groans "huhhh I'm not dead" Edith replies "HES DEAD" Harold answers weakly "I'm not" followed by ediths howl "DEAAADDD!!" Bob walks over to help Harold up but he screams trying to move his leg. Bob says "Oh god I'm so sorry Harold kids call an ambulance I think his leg is broken". "YOU KILLED HIM" can be heard from Edith yet again. Bob turns to Edith "oh my god he's not dead stop saying that!" Ambulance Sirens wail. End scene.