Mend a Bleeding Heart

" Memories are precious, isn't it? "

You stared blankly at the clear glass where the rays of the sun passes through, almost blindingly and warmly. The warmness that you felt whenever it touches your skin embraces you, comforts you. But this alone can't completely warmth the coldness in your heart

The emotions that used to naturally play in your face seems to vanish the moment your heart reaches the void. Leaving a lifeless, empty vessel with eyes devoid of feelings. Neither pain nor sorrow shows but deep inside, you know you are hurting and still, trying so hard to hold on

" It is, but . . . Because it is precious that makes oneself can't let go, "

Your eyes trailed to the wooden floor, billions of thoughts circled in your mind. Making you restless, stressed, depressed. Almost making your mind too blank and unreachable. You even remember how you didn't heard your 'friends' talking. They used to be your friends, until they left you from how they can't deal with you anymore. You used to laugh with everyone but now, its different. You knew your broken state will never mend your bond with them, after all they can't accept your darkness that you keep trying to hide

Since you were young, the darkness is already part of you. Clenching at your thoughts like a parasite, never letting go. But while growing up, you finally found the key of hope. That 'person' accepted you and your darkness. That 'person', who sees you to who you are. You finally found what your looking for and never even dreamt of achieving true happiness in life. But, you never even thought if that hope were to be lost

" Memories are kept because they hold an important part of you. But, they were never meant to make you still in place, "

You knew those words were true. You knew, yet you can't find yourself trying to do it. You repeatedly tell yourself in your mind that you wanted to try and change, but still couldn't. It was too hard to let go after all. It was too hard to accept the reality and move forward. It was hard when you know the light of your life will never come back. How was life even fair to you?

Your now empty, hurting, sad, cold and yet life, still wants to torture you. Always you. Not your friends, not your family, not those strangers you see in the around. Its only you. As if your being punished for no reason. Still your trying your best to hold on to the cruel life you have, even if it has no meaning anymore. Even if the torture is increasing each day you live

" You know, I can't help but to think that I want to end everything. But it seems I couldn't do it at all. Why is that? "

You felt a new warmth in your right shoulder, it was the warmth of the living. You didn't bat an eye and continue to watch the floor. Their presence were near as the calm silence surrounds you two. The small company of this person makes you look forward on talking with them. But you know they wouldn't last for a day, because you see. Each day, different person talks to you so you don't mind memorizing their name. They were here to help you but by the end of the day, those people gives up on you. They say it was hopeless. And I say, this person will think the same soon. After all, its already impossible for you

" Maybe because, you still have a reason to hold on, "

Reason they say, but what exactly is it? You barely have a clue to what extent this reason that keeps you from ending everything. Do they have the answers? Do you have the answers? Do someone have the right answers? Whatever reasons was it, it's trying to make everything hard for you. This reason makes you hold on

" What reason? "

Your curious, desperate. You even try to look at them just to get your answers. Your eyes even show a very small emotion for the very first time after years of being lifeless and empty. You show desperation for your existence. Curiosity for that reason and, a tiny bit of hope. A hope that you wish you can cling to and rely at

" Don't you think, 'that' person wants you to be happy and live your life to the fullest? "

They smile knowingly, they got the point. You were frozen, shock, disbelief. But deep down, you knew that was the real reason why you kept holding on. But even if you knew, you wanted to hear that, that was the case. You wanted people to say it in your face. Maybe, you wanted someone to care and say those words to you. But not even one of your friends said something like that. Except this person beside you

" Why . . . Is that? "

" Because, they truely loved you and for that reason, that person doesn't want seeing you sad, lonely and even harm yourself. They truely wanted you to remember them, but they also wished for their loved one's happiness, "

For so many years, months and days. Finally, you freed yourself from the void. You wailed, you cried. You showed your pain, your grieving. You showed everything that resides and hides in that cold heart. The bottled up feelings burst in one go and your heart aches. Will there be really a chance of mending your bleeding heart? Will there be a happy ending for you like most people around you? Is it even possible to a person like you? You don't know, you really don't

" Its so unfair . . . "

" Indeed . . . But, even scars can heal. And so as a bleeding heart, "