The Fog

Fog in my head

Walking down the street, full of fog, I just started... thinking. Alex Unknown - Endless playing in the background, and I just kept thinking. Fog was kind of getting more and more dense to the point where I was just walking down the street alone. Even though my "friends" were just a few meters in front of me. They were never really my friends. I always hated them. They hated me, but never showed that. Some may say "hatred is a strong word, you just dislike them". I know what hatred is and I know what disliking someone is.
Ugh, anyways, back to the topic.
For the past few days, the feeling of confusion was always there, lurking in the corner of my mind. I don't know why I feel like this, why am I so confused, I don't have answers to any of my problems. Problems just pile up and I just stand there, looking at my problems and I do absolutely nothing about it. I don't smile, I dont cry, my mind is foggy and I don't know what to do.
Feelings have all gone to shit, and as my feelings, I also feel like shit.
Fuck you feelings, I don't need you.
...
I can't just fuck off my feelings, can I? I don't know what I feel anymore. I know what I should feel, but.. I just don't. I know I should feel happy when I see my bff, but I don't. I know I should feel sad when my favourite character from a movie dies, but I don't. The feelings are gone. I wanted that, didn't I? Why do I feel more shitty now than ever before? I didn't want that.
My shittiness doesn't rly have an origin, it just... came, made himself a cup of tea and just stayed in my mind. I never welcomed it, but it just stayed. And it never leaves, he just keeps making cups of tea day after day and never leaves. "WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL HERE????" I asked the shittiness. "GO AWAY" He just smiled and said "I never came and I never left. I was always here, don't you remember?".