Forevermore

Expanding the Family

Ashley and Xander are now ready to expand their family. Before getting married, they discussed that even though they come from relatively large families, they would only want 3 kids. 2 of their own and 1 adopted. 

Xander knows how important caring for less fortunate children is to Ashley and he shares her viewpoint. With his experience with homelessness he is aware of the importance of having a supportive and caring family. 

Ashley has always dreamed of adopting a child and loving them just as much as she would her own. She believes all children have the right to be loved, feel wanted, safe and to be respected.

 Although they would never admit aloud, the idea of a child taking care of you in old age in return for the care you give them influenced their decision to parent. They feel as if this point in their life is to come and their children do take care of them, they have succeeded as parents in raising loving children.

 Ashley and Xander both agreed to adopt first before having their own as they would want their child to be apart of a process they both value. Finances are not an issue as they both have been saving money of their own. Due to the nature of Xanders work, if money is handled correctly, they will never need to worry about whether or not they can support themselves. Ashley is also a high end social worker who has contributed much to communities cross state resulting in an above average paycheck. 

Both are aware of the strain their relationship will go through once they welcome a child home. They put more attention and care into their emotional connection to remain in sync. 

Eager to start their family they start the process for applying to adopt a child immediately. Wanting to help their own community they apply to adopt a child out of foster care. 10 months later they welcome their 3 year old daughter Amber lee home. 

Both of the extended families intend to be heavily involved in this new development. To allow for Amber-lee to connect with her grandparents, aunts and uncles and to grow up in a diverse society, they agree to move back to Canada. Ashley is aware of how much her mother in law is keen on keeping the Korean tradition alive in the family. She would like for Amber-lee to learn the language so she can communicate with her daughter in her mother tongue. Xander and Ashley both agree as being bilingual opens many doors for you. 

Ashley's parents intend on showing Amber-lee the value of family and intend to show her off at many family reunions.

 Ashley will plan to open a second location in Canada and have her assistant run her California location. Xander decides to take a hiatus from performing and promotional events and will continue to release songs periodically. 

When parenting Amber-lee they strive to be Authoritative parents. Xander does not want to be like his parents in the sense that he does not allow his child to explore their interests and create an identity for themselves. Ashley knows of the benefits of implementing this parenting style has a positive impact on the child's well-being. Like the First Nations families before them, it is important that their children know their worth and value to their parents. Xander and Ashley agree to not inflict corporal punishment, humiliate their children, and intend to cherish them for the rest of time.

Being raised in an open minded generation, as Amber-lee grew older, they never forced specific roles on her. She learned anything and everything she wanted to. She wanted to help mom fix her toy car, she taught her. She wanted to cook with dad, he gladly accepted his little chefs help. At 5 years old, Amber-lee was given the exciting news that she would be an older sister. To twin brothers. 

Unfortunately, during Ashley's pregnancy, Amber-lee falls sick, suffering through a battle with cancer. Xander takes this time to focus on Amber-lee ensuring that she makes a full recovery. Ashley tries to help as much as possible but the role overload increases the stress she feels. They are both aware of how unhealthy her stress is for the babies so he encourages her to rest and have faith in his capabilities as a father.

 Pushing her motherly instincts for Amber-lee to the side, she focuses on keeping the twins healthy so they can quickly meet their big sister. 

She visits Amber-lee often in the hospital and often falls asleep at her bedside. Amber-lee feels the happiest when she can sing her brothers to sleep and read them books next to her mother's tummy.

~~~

Ashley lays down next to Amber-lee, stroking her hair and humming quietly. She almost did not hear Amber-lee's soft spoken statement. 

" I'm going to die, aren't I mommy?"

Ashley's heart clenches, breaking for the child who was once filled with so much life. Now her eyes looked tired and full of defeat. 

With conviction and a sad smile on her face, Ashley replies "No my sweet child. We've  just got you and we're no where near ready to let you go."

Amber-lee looks down at her hands wringing them together and says, "Okay. I trust you."

"And I love you. Now why don't you sing your brothers a song?"

~~~

 8 months later Amber-lee makes a full recovery and expects her brothers to be with her shortly. Things went back to normal. Xander is able to pull from this experience to create an album close to his heart and Ashley does light work at her centre. A week later the twins arrive: Xavier and Xerxes. 

Amber-lee loves her siblings and helps her parents a lot; from reminding them to take her brothers bottles, pacifiers, and to change their stinky diapers. They often alternate between taking care of the twins but ensure they are not separated for too long as they seem to get anxious. They also spend lots of time together lounging around as a family to ensure they feel loved, comforted and safe. 

However, raising newborns, especially twins have taken a large toll on Ashley and Xander relationship. Due to the fact that they adopted Amber-lee as a toddler, they did not experience much of a shift in their relationship. They often talked to one another and were satisfied with their marital life. 

However, they now have seen a decline in their income as well as time spent together. Their frustration seems to feel heightened and arguments more frequent. However with the strategies used in the past to resolve their conflicts, all of their arguments result in a solution or an understanding achieved.

 As they approach a year after the twins birth they realize Xavier is falling behind is brother. Concerned they reached out to a doctor. Xavier is diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome. Although it is unfortunate, they do not lose faith in their little boy. He may struggle but they will supply him with the tools necessary to succeed. As the years pass and his diagnosis becomes more prevalent they higher special needs aids, book behavioral and cognitive therapies. 

Canadian children aged 5-14 most commonly deal with learning disabilities (What Disabilities Affect Canada's Kids?, 2014) so there are many opportunities for help. 

As the years drift by, this family can't help but feel fortunate for having one another.