The girl who woke up after 17 years.

I want to sleep but I know that I can't . I realize it was my past yet I adored it there. It resembled a shell where I was neither aware of anything or anybody. Just me and my dreams... upbeat and immaculate until I woke up!

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25th SEPTEMBER 2005

The sun slides in slowly upon me from my head to my eyes. Its warm hands caressing me. I love the light that gradually removes the dimness that held my sight. I realize the curtains are moved back to the sides. I am awake but don't open my eyes pretending to be asleep, holding down the little smile on my face. "Hello, darling", comes the sweet voice I hear each morning with ofcourse a warm kiss on my head. I now know its time to open my eyes.. "Good  morning mother", I say, with the best smile I can put on with the sunlight now on my cheeks making it shine..
The mornings are forever my top pick. I love the daylight and I always tune in to the tales, the sparrows on the windowsill have for me. I have the ideal family. The best mother on the planet and my dad, the most cherishing, kind, mindful and... Ohh I just can continue endlessly.... My parents are so much in love with one another, I wonder if this is the reason I love Mason to such an extent. Like I kinda got it from my parents. Sometimes, I'm jealous of the perfect bond they hold yet consider myself as the most joyful and fortunate little girl alive. " Jenna", my mother calls and I bounce and sit up straight on the couch, realising that I'd been day dreaming as usual. "What's it about today, Mason?" "No, its about you", I say as I grin at her, wearing my shoes to leave. I usually take the 8 am train from Brockley to Camden Road but today I dreamed a little too offboard my normal schedule. I'm late!!!! What's more, trains, i genuinely despise em'! I simply need to get to school as quick as possible. Clara's most likely going to be mad at me for being late. We've been friends forever. From the same play group to the same school to the same high school and likely to the same.... Ahhh!! We great friends ok.. That's the bottom line.

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10th FEBRUARY 2016

I woke up today getting a call. It was mom. I should be mourning but I can't just get it straight. Was I really upset? I hardly cared. I cursed myself for not caring. What if it was my fault? Why the fuck does it not matter? Which daughter doesn't mourn at her own mother's demise. Well how was it just my fault. She obviously didn't care too, did she? Not once did she bother to check on me during the past 10 years. She hated me. If she can why can't I? But mother, why didn't you call? I waited for years, until I finally gave up. I was happy. Or at least I was getting a lot better. I was content with what I had. It wasn't much but it was enough. I had a job that I loved, a small house to live in. I packed and left. I had no other choice. I drove for 7 hours from Amsterdam to London. I drove through the woods of London. The wind rushed in swinging through my hair and I felt something I hadn't felt in a long time. I gave a small cry, my body let out a sudden shock giving me a blood rush. I drove ahead keeping my sight on the roads not wanting to look into the woods. Suddenly I heard it with a sequence of memories, flashing before my eyes. It was the river, the water, which I once loved. My eyes stormed and my heart ached. I couldnt drive anymore. I got out of my car and headed towards the river. I knew the way. After all I spend so much time here with him. He was not just someone. He was Mason and I loved him.

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1st OCTOBER 2005

" Good morning", my mom kissed me and I bounced up sitting on the bed kissing her back. I was excited. After all it was the weekend. I immediately went for a wash and changed into a free tee and shorts with shoes. I went downstairs and my mother gave me a basket of sandwiches, chips and a jug of mango syrup. "Thank you so much mommy" I said. As I took the basket I heard the car. I rushed to the window and saw Mason holding up outside in his vehicle. I kissed my mother and ran out. "Good morning love", Mason said as I kept the basket in and jumped onto the front seat. The platform of his black Range Rover a little too high for me. "Hey love", I said, shutting the door behind leaning towards him. He kissed me, his velvet lips melting my lips leaving the sweetness of wild nectar. We drove past the city into the woods listening to music and singing along, smiling and giggling, watching the trees sway with the melody of the music. . I lay back on the seat and let the breeze kiss the freckles on my cheeks, caress my lashes and play with my hair. It was the best feeling in the world. Suddenly I felt for my phone and it was Clara telling me that she needed to drop the sleepover plan since she was going over to Benjamin's. Clara and Benjamin met in a club and got drunk, made out, got comfy and chose to stick on from that point onward. It's been a half year I suppose and this is by far the longest relationship Clara has ever been in. She says love is boring with and it's too consuming and gets toxic after a point of time. I don't recognise love as she does. Maybe she'll change. Afterall she's just 17 and who knows what might happen. Although, I do hope Benjamin to be that change. As the car goes swiftly through the woods I'm taken back to the times when I'd been on a week's vacation with Mason and Clara. We'd been to Long Island and I got so drunk at the Jones beach party that I passed out. Mason and Clara said that I refused to go back to the hotel and had to be dragged all the way. Clara hung out with a Spanish guy and started teaching us Spanish on the way back home and I was worn out to such an extent that I needed to put on my headphones because she had no intention on shutting up. I think I had a great time. I dont remember much about the vaccay. Its all foggy and I can't put it in order. I also had a wierd dream that night after the party, where this girl hit me on my face. Mason had to carry me and put me to sleep because I'd rolled off the bed in my sleep and I had a big bump on my head on hitting the edge of the table beside the bed. "Jenna, we're here". "ohh" I cried out, alarmed by his woken interference.We settled our things on the mat under the tree and walked up to the old wooden bridge which stood out from the bank of the river to a little farther in the water. We sat there as usual at the edge of the bridge, his arms around my back with a firm grip on my arm, my head between his jaw and his shoulders, sniffing his neck. This is Mason's favourite place. We drive here every weekend. The silence in here is turned on to such a great volume, that sometimes my ears ache on listening hard for a sound. I notice the trees, the wind, the river, the insects, the birds, every particle of dust and the ray of light, enjoying their freedom and having their social gathering away from all the noise of the city and its humans and it felt like we were the ones intruding their space but they didn't seem to mind anyways.
Mason kissed me on my forehead and as usual, I dug deeper into his neck sniffing him like a dog and he smiled patting my back letting a kiss. We later went for a swim, had our sandwiches and made love by the riverside. We left quite early this time as Mason had to go meet one of his friends. The following day I woke up, got dressed opened my mail to check whether Mason had left me any messages however he hadn't so I went downstairs, had my breakfast with mom and stepped out to find Clara in the middle of the road wearing pajamas running towards towards me. She looked at me and I saw it in her eyes. She was scared, rather helpless.