Sander and robbe one shots

Nightmares

***TRIGGER WARNING*** mentions of suicide. Please do not read this chapter if you think this could potentially be triggering to you.
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Includes: soft Robbe and sander, sleeping sander, mentions of suicide, nightmares, mentions of the night sander left the voice message to Robbe, mentions to the break up, sad.

It's strangely quiet, apart from the light sound of the rain hitting the window and sanders shallow breathes every now and again it's pretty much silent. Robbe tears his eyes away from the window, silently watching how the rain races one another to the rim of the windowsill. He looks down at the boy in his arms. Peaceful and as beautiful as always.

He admires him, the way that his lips are a soft shade of pink. They are parted slightly and every now and again he can feel short breathes come from sanders mouth and brush against the part of his arm that isn't covered by sanders oversized t-shirt. He looks at the way sanders nose curves slightly. He has the most perfect nose, he thinks. How did he get so lucky? He runs his fingers through sanders messy hair that's matted to his forehead slightly. It's damp from sweat and Robbe looks down at the sleeping boy with concern.

It's not that hot in the room, it's actually more on the cold side. He stares down at sander for a few more minutes before he's distracted from discomforting sounds escaping sanders lips. He screws his eyes shut despite them already being shut in his slumber. Robbe immediately realised that sanders having a nightmare. The second one this week. The first time this happened Sander became quite distant and didn't curl back into Robbes arms, instead he lay down on the other side of the bed. Almost hanging off.

Robbe silently prayed that this time sander would be more willing to talk about his nightmares but he wasn't going to push him. He took a hold of sanders shoulder and shook him slightly, not wanting to scare him but wanting to wake him up as fast as he could so that sander could escape his nightmare.

Sanders eyes shoot open, fear painted into his light eyes. He just stared up blankly for a few seconds before blinking. When he came back to reality he pushed his head into Robbes arm, desperate to try and find some sort of comfort. Robbes willing to give it him. He moves slightly so he can wrap his arms fully around Sander and pull him tight against him. Sander sighs as he lays his head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry." A small whisper leaves sander, an almost inaudible voice, that didn't even sound like him, drugged with sleep.

"Don't apologise, baby" Robbe is quick to assure him that he has nothing to be sorry for. He drags his finger over sanders cheek and looks into his eyes. Sanders green eyes staring straight back at him, almost daring him to look away first. Neither of them did. Sander lifted his head slightly so he could press his lips against Robbes. Robbe instantly kisses him back, holding him by his neck to give the older boy more support in the awkward position they was in.

"I had another nightmare" sander clarifies, incase Robbe hadn't already figured out.

"I guessed that was what was happening" he lets out a shaky breathe, what he says next could either go really well or really bad. Very fast. "Do you wanna talk about it" he asks him. Hoping that it doesn't push sander too much, he knows how private sander can be. Even five whole months into their relationship he still finds new things out about sander every day. He's fine with that though, he and sander take it one day at a time. Just like he promised him all those months ago that seem like years ago now.

"It wasn't really about me." Sander speaks finally, breaking the silence. "It was about you. I think that's why it upset me so much." He breathes out. "I hate seeing you sad. They know how to get to me." Robbe doesn't ask sander who "they" are. He just guesses they are the voices that sander has mentioned on several occasions now.

"It was back to when we was broken up, when I had my...bipolar episode." Sander talks with shame clear in his voice. They had only ever broken up once, it was that time. Yet sander still felt the need to make sure to add the small details, make sure Robbe knew what he was talking about. Because most of the time Robbe didn't know what he was taking about, but despite that he sat and listened.

Sander loved that. He never had someone who would listen to him. He would listen to the music he adores so much. Who would listen to him rant about why pineapple shouldn't be on pizza at 3 in the morning when sander was having one of his sleepless nights. No matter what it was, no matter how small or big. Robbe would listen.

"You know, that night when I left a voice message and told you that things were over." Robbe hates thinking about it. He nods and lets him continue. "I was going to kill myself. I really thought I wasn't ever going to see you again. That's why I left that message. I didn't want to end things like that. I wanted to talk to you one last i time."

Robbe already knew this, he figured it out himself, put two and two together. But actually hearing sander say it and how casually he said it. It knocked all the air out of his lungs, before he could even say anything sander continued on.

"It was what you would have been like if I did die. You wouldn't be okay, i don't ever want to hurt you like that. You was so sad and I couldn't do anything. All I could do was watch, i fucking hate it. I'm so glad I didn't, I couldn't handle you being hurt like that." Sanders voice breaks with a sob. Robbe hugs sander tighter. Sander cries into his shoulder and wraps his arms around the younger boy. He nuzzles further into his neck and just cries. Neither of them say anything for a good few minutes. Sitting in a silence that was broken every now and again with the small snuffle of sander or him catching his breathe.

"You aren't going to leave me are you?" Robbe asks him. Looking into his eyes now. Holding sanders jaw between his hands, making him look at him. Sander shakes his head, no. "Then you will never heard me, okay? And I'm never going to leave you. Never, ever. Not in any universe. No matter how hard things get, it's always going to be me and you." He finishes his speech with a shaky voice and tears in his eyes at the thought of loosing this angel in disguise with bleach blonde hair and an obsession with David Bowie.

"I love you." Robbe tells him. Sander leans up to kiss him. "I love you too."

I'm sorry if there was any spelling mistakes or grammar mistakes. English isn't my first language so please bare with me. :)