The One Who Couldn't Love

Chapter One

Tate

The last funeral I went to was my father's. Micheal and I were just kids, we hadn't grasped the idea of death yet, but it became very clear we'd never see our father again. I couldn't have been older than six, but I can remember how angry my mother was at my father for leaving us. There was disdain in her eyes as they lowered his coffin to his grave, hate for leaving her alone with two small children. After that, she hardly spoke of him. It was like he never existed. And if she did, it wasn't anything nice.

But as they lowered Owen's coffin into the ground, I couldn't find it within myself to hate him. I wanted to hate him the same way my mother hated my father after he died. I wanted to hate him so much, just so it'd be easier to let him go, but I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried, my love for him was too strong for me to hate him.

It took a second. Just one second. One second, he's about to cross an intersection, the next his car is rammed by a semi and he dies on impact. Just one second, and my life has been forever changed. 

"Tate, do you need anything?" Micheal asked me, gently squeezing my shoulders as we walked through our front door. "You haven't eaten anything since yesterday." 

"I'm not hungry." 

"Sweetheart, you have to eat," Sofia insisted, taking my hands in hers. "You could get sick if you don't eat anything, you need nutrients."

"What she needs is to suck it up and look for a job," my mother snapped. She dropped her bag on the couch and wiped her tears angrily. "I know it hurts, baby, but we can't cry over your dead boyfriend all your life."

"Mom!" Micheal hissed. "She just buried him, cut her some slack." 

"I'm sorry, but am I the only one who noticed the notice on our front door this morning? We have by the end of this month to catch up with our bills before they throw us out on our asses, not to mention, I'm running out of my medication. So unless you two are planning on letting me die, I'd suggest your sister starts looking for a job." 

"And why can't you look for a job?" Sofia snapped. "The whole burden can't fall on Tate." 

"I would, but I have a not so subtle heart condition that prevents me from doing so!"

"Okay, Mom, that is enough." Micheal sighs, running his hands through his hair. "Look, I'll pick up extra shifts-"

"Micheal!"

"I'll do it if that means helping them out with their debt!" He snapped at his wife.

"Don't make me laugh, Micheal. You barely make a living with your wife," Mom hissed. 

"We can live comfortably." Sofia glared at my mother. 

My mother glared back. "Yes, well, your comfort is just another word for broke and my medicines aren't cheap." 

"Tomorrow I will go looking for a job." I don't know how, but I manage to speak up. It also saves my mother from whatever Sofia is about to tell her. They are not each others' favorite person. So, I step up and take my mother's hands in mine. "Don't worry, Mom, I will find a job. We're going to be okay, I promise." 

"You have to find a good job, Olivia Tate, you have to. You cannot settle into some mediocre job, your mother deserves more than that," she said through clenched teeth. "I deserve more than that."

"I know that." More than anything. "Come on, it's time for your medicine and get you in bed. Let's go." 

I help my mother get ready for bed and as she's lying in bed, I give her medicine and wait for her to fall asleep. It's scary just how physically similar we are and how different we are. Dad used to say I was her twin, the same chestnut hair and brown eyes, but our personalities couldn't be further apart. While money has always been her priority in life, mine has been to be happy. And I found that happiness in Owen. She used to call us lovestruck idiots, but I didn't care, not when I had Owen.