I feel myself falling

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Falling, gliding and sailed into darkness.

I'm in surgery and again I see myself. The nurse who's observing the operation leans down and whispers, "Antonia, this is up to you. You decide if you live or if you die. It's up to you girl. You're strong enough, pull on through."

What does she mean it's up to me? I decide? Everything's confusing, I feel my breathing picking up. I'm having an anxiety attack. But I can't. I'm only a vision of my imagination.

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