Happily Ever After?? (Third in the Through The Dark And Free series)

Chapter 39

FYI this chapter is still going through some editing, please keep that in mind as you read...

Harry had just dropped off his and Julie's family at the hotel and walked back into the house.  Julie had stayed in their bedroom the rest of the night.  It was still dark and quiet in the house now, so he assumed she was still in the room with Grace.  He knew this was going to be a hell of a transition, he just wasn't expecting it so soon.  He was kicking himself for not realizing she would need a little more privacy at the beginning.  He made his way up the stairs and opened the door quietly.  He saw her laying on her side sound asleep, Grace swaddled up in the bed side bassinet, also sound asleep.

He looked over to the dresser and saw that most of the sandwich was gone and some of the fruit.  At least she'd decided to eat something.  Any little thing was a start.  He took the tray downstairs and cleaned up.  The house was so quiet compared to how it had been since Grace came home.  He took a moment to take it in.  It was different, and maybe the way it should have been when he brought his wife home.  Live and learn.  He'd been doing a lot of that lately.  He decided he'd go up to the bedroom and read while his wife and daughter were sleeping.  That way he could help take care of Grace if she woke.

By the time he made it up the stairs Julie was awake.  She was sitting cross legged on the bed looking down at Grace.  He shut the door quietly and made his way over to the bed.  "Hey, baby."  His heart dropped to his toes when she looked up at him.  Her eyes were filled with tears and he could see her lip quiver as she tried not to cry.  "What's wrong?"  He asked as he climbed onto the bed and sat beside her.

Julie shook her head which shook tears out onto her cheeks.  She looked back at Grace and bit the inside of her cheeks.  She was trying extremely hard not to cry right now.  She knew if she spoke she would end up sobbing and she didn't want to do that.

"Ok, you're freaking me out just a little bit.  No, a lot.  Baby, what's wrong?"  Harry rubbed over her back and when her lip started quivering again his heart broke.  What the hell was happening?  "Sweetheart, you need to talk to me.  Did I do something?  Well, something else?"  When she shook her head no, he took her hand.  "Please talk to me."

"She's so, perfect."  Julie said as she as she wiped the tears from her cheek.  "And I'm gonna screw it up.  And there was a house full of people watching me do it.  She's everything, and she was so unlucky to get me as a mother."

Harry stared at her.  He paused as he was rubbing over the back of her hand with his thumb, but he slowly started to resume.  She broke his heart.  Lately, it was hard for him to remember that broken girl he had met so many years ago.  Over the course of the past few years, she had gotten through so much, grown in so many ways, and especially during the last 6 months of this pregnancy she had been so much more accepting and confident in her abilities of becoming a mother, he had forgotten she was still the same girl who doubted her ability to be a girlfriend or a wife.  Of course, she would still doubt her ability of being a mother.

"I know, that no matter what I say right now, it's not going to completely ease your fears, but you're wrong.  I understand why you feel the way you do.  And I'm sorry, that I didn't see it sooner, but just like you were wrong about your ability to be a good girlfriend and a good wife, you're wrong about your inability to be a good mother."  He took her cheek in his hand and wiped under her eye with his thumb. "Grace, just as I am, is extremely lucky to have you as a mother.  No one, will fight for her more than you will."

"No, Harry.  I'm going to fail.  Just like I am failing at being a good wife.  It's the only way to explain it."  Julie sobbed even though she tried hard to remain composed.

"Now you're just being silly."  He looked down into her eyes and shook his head.  "Where would you come up with such nonsense?"

"It's not nonsense.  Look what's happened.  Look what we've been through.  Look what we always go through.  It has to be someone's fault.  It's always my fault.  And she's going to learn it quickly too.  That I don't know what I'm doing and that her best bet is to have someone else around."  She wiped her eyes on the back of her sleeve.  "I don't know why I thought I could do this."