What's Left of the Fire

Sectumsempra

I gingerly lifted my sleeve, tucking it above my elbow revealing the stains of pearled green that made up the skull and snake. It shimmered lightly, eyes glinting, always watching my next move.

It's almost as if it was yesterday that I was free to be the arrogant spunk of a boy that I once was. Karma, that bastard, it never lets me breathe- not once, not ever. Is it so much to ask for, for a breath of release, a breath of hope? I've never wanted death more than I do now. But how can I kill another, when I can't be brave enough to take it to my own throat? Wait... is that?

Potter?

Who- who is he talking to... what does it matter- I just need to walk past. Head down. Breathe. For a second my guilt caught up to me. I was so tired of running that I stopped for a second to catch my breath, but I ended up catching hold of his gaze instead.

Our eyes met didn't they?

They weren't supposed to, they weren't supposed to- another mistake, another blunder... another failure. Always that one variable that gets in the way, why can't you just disappear? It would make both of our jobs easier. You always like to complicate things don't you? Could have shaken hands, taken the easy route. But no. Always had to be the limelight, leaving me in the shadows.

Breathe.

How? How can I breathe when I know I was never meant to? How can I deprive the air of its oxygen when I know it's sustaining this monster, it's keeping this plague alive and if someone doesn't end it I don't know who I'll become.

What have I become?

Just yesterday my only problem was keeping my status, my status and my ring of idiots surrounding an even more idiotic one. What will happen when the dark lord wins? Will they have to die too? I just... I can't. Karma that bastard. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? If you wanted to tear me apart, you should have done it already. Tear me. Tear me apart. I'm begging you.

No.

No, no, no. Not now, no. Of all moments I had to choose now to let this get to me.

My body was shaking furiously, both hands clutching the sink because my knees were far too weak to hold me up any longer. I looked up, expecting to see myself in the reflection. But a scrawny, thin face with sunken eyes stared back, pale as marble, with the same deadened veins sprawled over my skin. My eyes were turning into the blood I'd soon spill, red and dripping down my face. My soul retaliated from its salted burn, so much so that the cold water I splashed on my face did nothing. The tremor from my body renewed its hot springs, scalding my face once more. Tremblor after tremblor, my lungs took the hit, trying to absorb the impact, trying to calm the shaking mountain before it released whatever burning hell was inside of it. I looked up again, expecting to witness its downfall first hand, but the molten blood inside my veins suddenly seeped back inside its core, sinking fast, pulling with it the last of the air inside my battle scarred lungs. A final shudder coursed through my body as the aftershocks swept through my skin making my wand shake in my hand.

Harry tipped his head courtly, realizing the situation he had just walked into, his foot angled towards the door, breath hitching and confused. Before he could even swallow the thought, my wand had erupted, lights blazing ending with a static blow that dismantled into the wall. He fired back, my upper body reacted but my knees buckled with hesitance, I stumbled and scrambled out of the way. I felt his footsteps echo, or maybe that was my heart? Couldn't tell anymore, both were equally as loud. And as the room went silent, the answer became painfully clear.

There he is. I breathed out, breath wavering. I could easily shoot his feet... I swerved against the wall, and ducked, haunches low and waiting. In my head I told myself I'd kill him, but my hesitance begged to differ. He peered and I shot, seconds from actually hitting his face. A pang of panic struck me, but it was soon replaced by the thrashing adrenaline. Water was jetting out of the pipes now, the commotion masked his location leaving me in the open. The one time I didn't hesitate, the one time-

I didn't even have time to scold my stupidity. The scorching blast of barely visible light had struck me square in the chest, the impact made my weakened body flare with pain, as if serrated chains had pierced and wormed into my stomach.  Air was a luxury I had taken for granted, all those times I scrutinized myself for taking it, now I wished I could have at least one more proper breath. A strained whimper escaped my lips, and through my hazy vision I saw his silhouette... just watching, watching me writhe in pain. 

How is it that you're the perfect one?