I kissed her on the forehead. Looking down at her green eyes. Looking into her eyes made our lives seem so large. I knew one day when those eyes would shut, the world would be grey. I'd be alone. I'd be lifeless. I'd be grey.
Let's start from the beginning. I was walking home from school. Headphones in, listening to some stupid 90's garage band, then I saw her. She was walking at a quick pace. Arms crossed just under her breasts. Her head was down, hiding herself from the world. I tried to get a glimpse of her face but her brown colored bangs were covering it. She approached a bench and took a seat. My phone died, there goes my music. I sigh in irritation. I took off my headphones, then I heard her sobbing. I stopped. I kept pondering whether or not I should go over there. I wonder what she would think? A stranger going up to her sobbing on a bench. I look over as she's wiping away her tears. It was Lucy. Back in elementary school, her nickname of "Lucy the Lard" or just " Lard" stuck all the way through middle school. Then she just disappeared. No one saw her until this year. She looks a lot different. Thinner.
She looked over. Once we made eye contact, we both looked away quickly. Fuck, I guess I have to go over there. I finally sack up the courage to go over there. God, she's so beautiful. Her turtleneck sweater. Loose, baggy jeans. Striped socks that didn't match. I approach her. I say "hi," she looks away from me and sniffles. "I noticed you've been crying and uh..." I'm so nervous, fuck. My palms are sweaty. I'm tapping the tip of my foot obnoxiously fast. "Well uh, just thought I'd check-in," I said. "I'm uh, I'm Kenny by the way." She looks up, mascara caked down her face. "I was wondering if you were okay and-" she interrupts, "I'm fine." I nod my head and walk away. As I'm walking away, she said sorry from the distance. I stopped, smiled, and turned. The next thing I knew, we were at the local cafe drinking 99 cent burnt coffee. We were there for 3 hours. Just talking and laughing. It seemed that I never found out why she was crying. I still don't to this day. I remember eating a shit ton of pancakes that night. She didn't eat a thing.
I never saw her at school. Turns out, no matter how long time goes by, names never die. Scars never heal. "Lucy the Lard" was still alive. Lucy withdrew herself from school. I didn't blame her. I remember getting asked, "what it's like to fuck a fat bitch?" Lucy wasn't even fat anymore. She was petite. Very petite. One thing I did notice about her, she never ate around me. She'd always watch me eat. Which kind of bothered me at times but I never said anything.
I like to think we were dating at the time. I remember asking her to be my girlfriend. She laughed. Her eyes got glossy, gently bit her bottom lip and kissed me. I remember feeling her hands over mine. They were cold and boney. She'd use them to gently touch my face. When I touched her face, her jawline was sharp and cheekbones pointy. Kissing her was just sensational Her lips were so red. Filled with so much life.
The night we went out in the woods, we found a spot. A spot that was close enough to the stream where you could hear the water wrestling through the rocks. The moon center of the sky. The moonlight creating this spotlight for her and I. We went out to that spot and laid. Looking into the infinite night sky. Letting the stars direct our love for one another towards one's heart. I knew losing her, all the life out of the night sky would disappear too.
We would go to the same local cafe after each date. Drinking that 99 cent burnt coffee. Telling jokes. The laughter. Her smile. So much life. When she would grab my hand, then gently rub her thumb up and down my hand. Looking at me with those green eyes and smile. I couldn't help but get butterflies, feeling as if I reached nirvana. She carried such ambiguity, daring me to desire her. But once again, she didn't eat.
I was driving us back from somewhere, she made me pull over. She opened the door and puked. I was confused because she didn't eat anything that night. Then it hit me. She was eating herself. Hunger was consuming her from the inside. I choked up but held back my tears. I needed to be there for her. I rubbed her back. It was bumpy because there was nothing there. Life is starting to leave her body.
I kissed her on the forehead. Looking down at her green eyes. Looking into her eyes made our lives seem so large. I knew one day when those eyes would shut, the world would be grey. I'd be alone. I'd be lifeless. I'd be grey.
We were laying on the bed. She had no energy to go anywhere. No strength to move. It's the end of the rope. I remember feeling anger towards her. I asked her "why?" so many times. I got so angry with myself because I didn't do my job. I'm letting her die. I'm letting life slip through my fingers. I looked at her face. Her cheeks are sunken in. Her green eyes shining through the darkness of her circles, like a cat hiding in the dark. Her lips still red with such little life, a placebo for the feeling of death. She rested her head on my shoulder. I felt a tear hit my hand. I look down at her and she's crying. I apologized for my outbursts of anger. That wasn't the reason. The reason is still unknown. She turned her head to where she was staring into my eyes. Her eyes filled to the brim with tears. She gave me a smile, then kissed me on the cheek. I started to feel worried. She asked to turn off the light. Once I turned off the light, we lay there for hours in each other's arms. I couldn't sleep. Then I heard "I love you" in Lucy's voice. A part of me was still weary but more of me was at ease. I shut down for the night.
I woke up the next morning. Lucy was cold. I shook her. Nothing. I slept with a skeleton. Lucy was lifeless. I looked out a small window in her room. It was grey out there. I swallow my sorrows, then rest my head on her shoulder. I sigh, then shut my eyes.
