La Cosa Nostra

Chapter 18

The meeting/discussion went smoothly with Nikolai promising Luciano that the Russians had our back in taking down Connor. We had enough manpower and resources now, all we had to do was finalise the plan to infiltrate Connor's compound and take the whole crew down.

We just had lunch and Nikolai had asked me to walk with him in the backyard for a minute before he left. We were talking a little about Victoria and the baby when he suddenly turns serious.

"How have you been coping with everything?" I shrug, "I'm fine. Ever since the FBI arrested Dexter and shut his business down, Connor has been  quiet  so that's been worrying. This is the third time we've foiled his attempts at getting weapons and cash so I know he's desperate. He's got to be up to something. We just need to find out what it is."

"we'll get him, Alessa. You and Luciano make a good team. But I'm more concerned about the rumors floating around recently, about you and Thomas."

I look at him, sighing tiredly. "It's creepy how you know everything."

Nikolai laughs,"It's a necessity in our line of work. Judging from your response, I'm guessing the rumors are true."

I nod, taking a seat on one of the benches, Nikolai sitting beside me. Nikolai curses loudly, looking at me worriedly.

"What can I do? Tell me.'

"I've got it under control, Nikolai."

He rolls his eyes at me,"Doesn't mean you have to go through this by yourself. Does Luciano know?"

"He does. He offered to help too and he got the same answer as you."

"Speaking of Luciano, I noticed there's quite a bit of sexual tension between the two of you." he says smirking.

I scoff,"Trust me, there's nothing sexual about it."

"From his expression during our meeting earlier, I assume he wasn't too happy with you improvising during the Dexter Williams mission."

I laugh cynically,"let's just say I had the pleasure of meeting the Italian Don."

"Do I need to have a word with him?" Nikolai asks worriedly and I shake my head.

"I've got it und-"

"Under control, yeah yeah." he says rolling his eyes. I laugh, sending him a thankful smile.

"Thank you though Nikolai. I mean it."

He squeezes my arm affectionately, "Victoria and I are always here for you. Don't forget that."

"I know." We sit in silence for a few minutes when Nikolai suddenly says.

"You're good for him."

"Hmm?"

"You're good for Luciano."

I roll my eyes, "I'm not dealing with this shit again."

"Again?" he says raising his eyebrows and I mentally curse at my slip up.

"Sergio had a similar conversation with me a few weeks ago."

"You've met his parents?"

"They came over for dinner a few weeks ago. They're really nice."

Nikolai nods,"They are. Although Sergio can be quite intimidating."

"He is but he's also really sweet."

"Now I understand why Luciano's so disturbed. He finds someone who's perfect for him and his parents approve of her and then he goes and fucks it all up."

"Luciano's not disturbed and he didn't fuck anything up. We're barely friends, Nikolai."

"Are you really that blind Alessa? Do you not notice him stiffening everytime you call him Don? Did you not notice his jealous outburst when I brought up Nikolai?"

I stare at him like he's crazy. Luciano did not like me that way. Come on girl, how long are you gonna lie to yourself? He likes you and you like him. Deal with it." I ignore my subconscious and tune her out.

"First of all, he wanted me to call him Don. Secondly, he wasn't jealous, he was just being his usual grumpy self."

Nikolai chuckles lightly, "I've known Luciano for years, Alessa. That man is in love with you. He may not know it yet although I have a feeling he's beginning to. And so do you. Face it dorogoy, you've met your match."

I remain silent, not looking at Nikolai. Nikolai just squeezes my shoulder affectionately."I know it's scary, trust me. When I realised that I was falling for Victoria, I was scared shitless but she is the best thing that's ever happened to me. She's my life, Alessa. I really hope you get to experience that one day."

He stands up, heading inside but I just sit there, mulling over his words. I knew I was falling for Luciano and it made me livid. Livid at him for evoking all these emotions in me despite threatening my life but even more livid at myself for letting myself fall. Somehow, he had slowly started to break down my walls and that icy heart of mine had began to thaw bit by bit. I knew that he cared for me to a certain extent because I had gotten away with a lot of shit. For gods sake, I used to call him by his middle name. Sofia had also casually mentioned in passing that he had severed all ties with Brianna. I wasn't naive enough to believe that I was the reason behind that decision but a small part of me wanted to. My heart wanted to stay, to take a chance on him but my head just couldn't do it. It was too risky to give him that kind of power over me, to relinquish that control over my heart and mind. There was also the whole situation with Thomas and Connor. Anything could happen and the last thing I wanted to do was endanger Luciano and his family because of my job.

As much as I wanted to deny it, I missed him. I missed our playful banter, our deep conversations. He intrigued me as much as he intimidated him. Despite everything, I wasn't scared of Luciano Moretti. Yes, he could kill me with his eyes closed but that wasn't what terrified me. What terrified me was the fact that he could break me mentally. I had opened up pieces of myself to him that I had never opened up to anyone and I had seen pieces of him that I knew no one else had seen. So, as much as I wanted to erase this tension that shrouded us, I had to put the mission first. My personal emotions could not compromise the mission or everyone else's safety. There was a very strong possibility that I would have to go off the grid when this was over if I didn't work things out with Thomas and I wasn't gonna complicate it even more by admitting my feelings to him. If breaking my heart meant keeping him safe, I would gladly do it a million times.