Head First ▶️

Chapter 3

I wanted to cry.

Then scream.

But mostly cry.

    I stared at the two pieces of paper I held in my hand and felt faint from extreme happiness. I did it. I actually finished writing a piece on modern street style fashion yet I couldn’t still quite believe it. It took everything in me to brainstorm a good angle, and not feel the need to gouge my eyes out in the process. I sighed in contentment as I held most possibly my salvation in my hands. 

“Maybe I should buy a glass box for this,” I mumbled. 

    Was it enough proof that I could do it? I don’t know, maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. All I know is that those few hours I’ve spent writing the story, I didn’t feel as out of my comfort zone as I thought. After putting aside my irrational fears of failing before actually jumping into it, I realized I just needed a different way to approach my writing and here I am.

    No sooner than I left the tattoo shop, I texted Jessie that I was headed home, with a new found determination to jump into things before thinking about them. Risky but I’ve lived my entire life living in a controlled environment, a fixed schedule, a predetermined path. I was never one to jump headfirst so fearlessly but now, I find that maybe being fearless is merely having the guts to face what you’re afraid of. At least that’s how Mark’s words registered to me.

    The mouse cursor hovered over the send button, containing my email and the story I’ve attached for Tanya. When I send this, I will be, in essence, saying yes to her proposal. Gathering all my newfound strength, I breathed deeply and clicked the button, praying silently that I’ve made the right decision. I’ve just made tomorrow the first day of what could change the course of my entire life. I texted Jessie a short I did it message, knowing she’ll figure out what I was talking about. 

    I planned to spend the rest of Sunday night, my body planted firmly on the sofa watching the Hallmark movies I’ve recorded. Most of them are Christmas-themed but I figured, maintaining one permanent aspect of my life probably wouldn’t hurt. Grabbing a pint of Phish Food in the freezer, I scooped out a spoonful, moaning as the hints of caramel hit my taste buds, and made my way to the couch when I heard a soft knock on the door. 

    “Jessie couldn’t possibly drive that fast,” I muttered, as I made my way to the door. I turned the locks and pulled the door open when I felt the spoon in my mouth drop in shock.

    “Adam?” I blinked my eyes a few times, trying to see if my eyes are playing tricks on me as I took in my neighbor in a dark blue t-shirt and jogging pants standing by my door.

“Hey, Joey,” he smiled. “Mind if I come in?” He sheepishly held his hand up, holding a bag of what looked like a few DVDs, two tubs of ice cream, and other stuff I could barely recognize. “I decided I wouldn’t ask you anymore and just take you by surprise, which worked I guess.” He looked at me nervously as he scanned my reaction. “Unless I caught you in a bad time?”

“Yes.— I mean, no—I’m not—“ I snapped out of my momentary shock and picked up the spoon I dropped so classily, chiding myself for inability to say sentences. “Sure, you can come in. And no, it’s not bad time,” I replied as composed as I possibly can. He broke into an earsplitting grin as he got inside, plopping himself comfortably on my what now looks like a tiny couch.

    I closed the door, and held my chest in fear I’d pass out from the sudden turn of events. I looked at Adam, who busied himself taking out the movies and ice cream, before turning on the TV. 

I held my hand out, keeping a safe distance from him, as I scanned the movies that he brought. None that I recognize any of them but judging from his taste of movies, I’m pretty sure they’re good. “What are we watching?”

    He ran a hand over his hair and looked at me. “I was actually hoping to watch a few of those Christmas movies you’re so addicted to.” For a moment I swear my heart developed a mind of its own and jumped off my chest. A few movies? Christmas movies? With me?

    I didn’t realize I asked them out loud until Adam chuckled and nodded his head. “Yes. With you.” His tone laced with seriousness tugged something in me. He actually seemed sincere. “Okay.” Averting my gaze, I scanned my files for my favorite Christmas movies. I clicked Christmas Incorporated before facing Adam, who was now scanning the room, his neck craned over my bookshelf.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m looking for your kitchen.”

“Why?”

    “Well, I did promise you a light dinner,” he replied nonchalantly. I felt my head spin a bit. How in hell can I survive dinner with a guy I’ve only spoken to properly five minutes ago?

    “Maybe talk about why you’ve denied me dinner for the past eight months?” he added. He stared at me, his eyes locked into me as he waited for a reply. I gulped, not knowing exactly what to say to that. I couldn’t just say I like him, because we barely even know each other. And I don’t know if telling him I was terrified of talking to him because I might sputter incoherent words is any better. 

    “I’m sorry.” I cringed inwardly hearing my excuse of a reply. “I’m really not so good around people. I tend to either space out or babble. Not much of a good company.”

    “But you let me in,” he grinned. “That’s a start, right?” I smiled, realizing what he said. He’s right. It’s not much of anything, but it’s a start. 

    I guided him to my small kitchen, apologizing for my lack of pans and whatnot. He emerged a few minutes later with two bowls of what could possibly be the best-smelling stir-fry I’ve ever smelled. 

    “If it tastes as good as it smells, you’re never leaving this house,” I joked. He looked at me in surprise before letting out a light laugh. In our many short conversations, that’s probably the first proper sentence I’ve said to him. He placed the bowls on my coffee table as I hit play, sitting right beside him.

    We stayed silent throughout the film, only with the occasional moments when I’d break out laughing and he’d join me. It was weirdly comfortable and I was surprisingly okay with it. I felt my heart fall when the third movie ended, cutting our conversations short as well. It was a little after midnight and I knew I still had a big day ahead, and maybe I was keeping Adam too. 

“Thank—Thank you,” I sputtered. 

    He smiled, placing his hands inside his pockets. “No, thank you. For a moment there I thought you were going to shut the door on my face. Or run away like you used to when we see each other in the shop.”

    I feel my face warm up in embarrassment. Maybe I wasn’t as discreet as I thought. “I’m gonna go die now.” I put my head down in absolute mortification when I felt a hand on my arm. His touch made my skin tingle, like sparks are shooting out from contact. I whipped my head to look at him, only to have my nose collide with his. He remained unmoved, his face close enough that I could feel his breath on me.

    “I actually thought it was adorable.” His lips curled into a smile before he kissed my cheek. I shot my hand up to my face in surprise as I hear him chuckle. “You’re cute. Goodnight, Joey. Thanks for the movies. I had fun. We’re definitely doing that again.”

I swallowed the lump making its way up my throat and replied, “Sure. Thanks for the meal.”

And I watched him walk out the door with a pint of my Phish Food. 

And possibly my heart.