Why? Why are you so selfish? Why are you afraid? Why did you do this? You loved me, but you through me away. You did this. Your words brought me here. Did you even really care? Are you thinking about me right now? Do you still love me? What was I too you?
I went everyday without getting to hug you without you noticing me. All of you. Every single one of you. I'll forever remember that day. Always. The day you said I didn't matter and if I was dead everyone would be happy. Well you got your wish. Are you happy now? You thought I wouldn't do it huh? You thought i was kidding. My mind. My soul. My heart. Gone. Why was it so hard to say sorry to me? I didn't understand back then but now I do. I know that you were afraid that people were gonna judge you for loving someone so imperfect, so lost in her own thoughts, so mesmerized by how the world works, so open that everything and everyone around her felt like a dream, so heartbroken that she shut everyone out of her life, so full of hope, so full of courage, so full of generosity, so full of life.
Remember at Homecoming when you asked me out and Auria got mad and then you snuck out with her later that night. So I left, went home, sat in my room and thought to myself. Well be glad that that night is over with or so you thought it was.
Remember that year where we hung out almost every day and you'd always come over. When Christmas time came you and your family and my family would exchange gifts and laugh and have a good time.
Remember that morning I didn't come to school and remember when you turned your tv on and they said they found a teen dead in her home? Remember that? It was me.
Remember.
You'll be attending my funeral tomorrow and I'll be watching. Sitting in the back watching people cry over the fact that I'm dead. Over some stupid, pathetic words. Well if those words were stupid and pathetic then why did they kill me? It hurts.My Funeral.
There I am. Lifeless. Breathless. There you are. Full of life. Full of breathe. My mom's standing by my casket. My sister's are crying gently. You. Your sitting next me. Without knowing you are, but you are. I wish I could hug you. To tell you I'm ok and I forgive you. You cant see me, but you know I'm there. Your crying too. I put my around you. You look up and over to a blank area. Where you sense I'm at. You put your hands on your face and think. Tears rolling down your flushed cheeks. I grab your hand and you sit up. My heart sinks. Sinks by the sight of everyone crying. By sight of you crying. I sit there hesitant. I messes up. They do care....even you. I stand up and walk over to the front where i'm laying in the beautifully decorated box. I turn to where I'm facing everyone. I graze my hands across the top of the open box. Y'all are here because of me. Because i was weak and hurt and decided that nothing in my life mattered and that killing myself was a solution. I thought you guys didn't care. Tears start to form as I say this. I'm sorry mom. Sorry dad. Sorry Alice. Sorry Courtney. Sorry grandma and grandpa. Sorry Aunt Lola. Sorry Uncle Simon. Sorry Gisele and Laurne and Carrie and Belle and Austin and Noah for not being there. Sorry Snowflake for not being able to rubbing your belly or taking you on walks again. I miss you Bubbie. Sorry. I walk down to my sisters and hug them. Their clueless. They close they eyes and I can tell they feel me. I step back and move hair out of their faces. They can feel the cold wind drift across their face faces. I walk back a couple steps and Look at everyone and everything. I wanna go home. I miss everything. Please. I'm sorry. Bring me back.....bring me back..At that moment I feel a sense of life pound back into me... I see a light and my eyes roll back in my head. What's happening? Then all of a sudden I'm back...back in reality. I can actually feel things again. I wake up in a narrow box. I look down and they dressed me in a beautiful blue dress. Am i...is this really...I sit up and place my hand on the side of the casket. "Mom" "Dad". They turn and see my once dead body sitting up. "Ocean"! They all are touching me and asking how I'm alive. I hop out of the casket. I see you. Your standing in front of me. Your looking at me. You hug me. I'm crying. You pull away. You place a hand on my face and tears roll down my face. "Nathan". At that moment I feel a new hope and a new feeling and it's called.... Love.Now I understand the meaning between Life and Death.
The End.