Hero Fiennes Tiffin IMAGINES

Drugs and alcohol are my ruin

Hero's POV

I sit at the table with my head in my hands. The girl I love is staring at me with a pain in her eyes that I cannot mend. I fucked up. I fucked up so bad that there is no way I can ever fix it.

"Hero," she whispers. Her voice is so somber that I barely recognize it. I know tears are streaming down her face because I can see the wet condensation collecting on the table. "Look at me," she says. I can't do it. I cannot live with myself if I look up to see the hurt I'm causing her. I was barely able to handle the way her eyes turned volcanic when she slammed the magazine down on the counter this morning. The image of two tanned, fit Brazilian girls laced in my arms as we pulled up to a hotel last night shines bright on its cover. What's even worse is on the inside there's a picture of us in the hot tub doing God knows what. I can't deny it. Drugs and alcohol are my ruin. She was my only saving grace and I've just proved to her I am nothing but an arrogant son of a bitch and a dirty fucking cheat. The saddest part is this isn't even the first time. This is just the first time I've been caught.

"Look at me you fucking coward," she screams. Her voice breaks. My heart breaks. Everything I've ever loved falls apart by the tone of her voice. I cannot save myself.

My eyes burn as water pours out with no shut off valve. I slowly lift my head and I see it. I see how I've emotionally destroyed the one person I've ever gave two shits about. I'm such a fucking idiot.

"How long?" she whispers. I stare at her and I physically cannot get words to come out of my mouth. My eyebrows pin together and a black wave washes over her face. "Why?" she shouts. I stand and move a step close to her as she takes a step back.

"Baby," I start to say as she holds her hand up. "Don't you fucking call me that."

My world is turning upside down and so is my stomach. I feel nauseous as I take the reputation of last night's activities along with the situation spiraling down in front of me. I reach out and grab her elbow, trying to calm her. Please look in my eyes my love, I am still the man you fell in love with. I just have an addiction I can't shake. My conscious fights with the man that I've become.   

"This isn't the first time, is it?" she asks. All fight has drained from her body. She's pale and turning a sick shade of green. Look what you've done to her, my mind screams at me. You did this.

I look away from her because I can't answer. She doesn't want me to answer.

She pulls herself from my grip. As an instant reaction I try to pull her back. She has always been my anchor and I can feel her cutting her rope.

"Don't touch me, Hero," she says, backing into the corner. "Don't ever touch my again."

I reach for her one last time. "Baby, don't do this."

"Don't DO this? God, do you hear yourself? YOU did this! You ruined everything." The agony on her face pulls my heart out of its chest and smashes it on the floor. "You ruined me."

She pushes past me and grabs her keys off the counter and her suitcase she had waiting by the door. How did I not notice that?

I feel like internal switch flips. I need an escape. Something to get me out of my mind.  

I walk towards her. Her eyes are wide but she doesn't move. A little part of me thinks she wants me to beg her to stay again. I close in the distance between us and reach for the oxi I have on the mantel beside the door. She looks down at the bag and surprising me, she reaches for it. I jerk it back, but she keeps her hand on mine.

"Show me what it feels like," she says.  I look at her dumbfounded. "Show me what's so intoxicating that you're letting me go."

My flip switches back and I feel everything at once. The way I fuck other people. The way I make love to her. The countless parties I attend and the nights I come home just to be alone with her. The way I'd choose her over anything yet the way I've neglected choosing her.

I decide to open the bag. It'll make us feel better it. It'll fix this. It'll prove to her that we can get through this.

A sigh dissipates from her mouth as she pulls away from me.

"Hero, you need help."

My entire body erupts in shakes and sadness. (Y/N) looks down and hooks her hand on her suitcase. As she turns to open the door, I spin her around and press my lips to hers. She kisses me back with all of the desperation we both have for each other but I can feel the change in the intimacy. I can physically feel her warm tears colliding with mine which makes me cry harder.

Oh God.

She entangles her tongue with mine before taking a step back and pulling away. The room is a dead silence and I beg for it to stay like this. As long as she's here in front of me, we're going to be okay. 

"If you ever loved me, you'll stop doing this," she says. 

Suddenly the door closes and she's gone. Gone from me, gone from my life, gone from everything.

I find the closest thing to me and slam it on the floor. All of the glass vases on the mantel come crashing down and shattering against the hard concrete. My fist meets the sheetrock and I scream as a response. What the fuck have I done? How could I have let it get this bad? (Y/N) didn't deserve that. I didn't deserve that.

I look down to the floor and pick up the baggie. Walking over to the kitchen sink, I turn it on and start allowing the power and pills disappear before my eyes. I walk to the fridge and take the whiskey off the top, untwisting the cap, taking a large swig and then draining it as well. As the bottle appears empty, I smash it against the floor as well. Blood pools around my feet as I walk on the shards. I pace the empty halls and pull at my hair. This isn't happening. This is just a dream. 

I walk into our bedroom and stop dead in my tracks. There's no sign (Y/N) has ever been here. Was she just a dream? Have I hallucinated a girlfriend for the past six months? Fuck. No, I know she was real.

My phone dings in my pocket and my heart races. Please let it be her. It's going to be her. 

My managers name appears in bold letters. "We need to talk," the message reads. I pace the room a few more times as I dance my fingers on the keyboard. (Y/N)'s voice keeps repeating in my head 

"If you ever loved me, you'll stop doing this."

"If you ever loved me, you'll stop doing this."

"If you ever loved me, you'll stop doing this."

Falling back into the mattress, I let the light consume me. I have to change. I can't keep doing this. I pick my phone back up and press send. 

"Check me into rehab. I've got to fix this shit"