If Ever (833534)

💫

Don't you know how much you mean to me?

Sometimes I lie there, thinking of how
you inspire me to become the best version of myself, but when I am at my best, you come and crush everything I built.

You are like a muse to me , and after all you do, I still love you. Like someone said, after 0 comes 1, which is funny, if you know informatics. But it just doesn't feel like it. I am talking to you and see how my words just pass through you. Is it worh, to care so much, is it ? I know that it is always gonna hurt, but sometimes it hurts so much that I want to tear my heart out of my chest, if it would help. But it doesn't, I just have to cope with it , in my way, which I sometimes forget. Sometimes I forget where I am. Sometimes I am in the future, imagining that I am myself, that the weight of the air is not that heavy, and sometimes I am in the past reliving the good and the bad. I am lost this time. I think I need to see someone, a psychologist or something, but what I actually need , is to let it out. But I am not quite sure what I should let out. My anger? My sadness? I have been living with these two for many years now. I don't know. I think the age is to blame for. I am stuck between the past and the future. Will this all have an end?
Will we be at peace sometime? I wish I could tell you all this things, and you would actually listen, at what I am saying. I need you. I need the real you, not that person, that you have built over the years in your sadness and desperation. I wish you could let us heal you, because when I feel that we finally cracked the wall that you have build you are still hiding in the shadows of your pain. I know sometimes I am a pain in the ass, not sometimes, but many times, I know I am selfish and confused.

But I need YOU to teach me how!