As a child, I was mostly happy, at least until i realized who my father actually was. I used to be daddy's little girl. But as i got older, I realized how much of an asshole he was. At the time, i was very young, but i could tell i didnt like him. Eventually my mom couldnt put up with him anymore. When i was 6, my parents got a divorce. I was happy because i thought it meant no more dad. I started living with my dad most of the time.
When i was 10, my dad had this friend. I never really trusted him and he just looked all aroung creepy. But he was really funny and we got along. He would tickle me to cover up the fact that he was malesting me. I didnt realize it until he kept doing it. I got really uncomfortable so i told my dad the situation. He didnt believe me. It kept happeneing and for one of the times my dad was right in front of us! i would tell him to stop, but it was all "fun and games". My dad just laughed it off. it kept going on for about a year. One day when i got home from school, I couldnt hold it in. Someone had to do something about it. I told my mom everything while in tears and she was pissed. She yelled at my dad and told him that if he wasnt going to do anything about it, she was. So he finally did! He went to the police and everything was over. I felt so relieved.
All the way through elementary school, I was doing well. I was a really good student. Top of the class. 7th and 8th grade werent so good. I started getting F's and i hated school. I would skip school and act sick. I hated getting up and sometimes i wouldnt. I got aggressive toward everyone very easily. I was mean to my teachers and just all around didnt care.
Depression had hit hard and took a toll on my life It made me act out and i was barely ever happy. I started cutting. By the beginning of 9th grade, I couldnt take it anymore. I was done. I chose to end my life.
One night, I was so unhappy, and i didnt know why. I couldnt stop asking myself, Why me? Why do i have to go through all of this? what did i do to deserve it? I couldnt take all the pain anymore. I took a long, hot, bath. I thought it might help, but it got me thinking even more. I hated over thinking. It made me so upset. So i thought, maybe tonight is the night. I wont have to deal with this anymore. I will finally be happy, But how would i do it? It took me a while to decide, but i finally chose overdose. I got out and got in my Pajamas. I went into the kitchen(where all the medication was) and started looking around trying to choose which one.
"What are you doing?"
Shit. My dad. Everythings ruined!
"Nothing, just looking for something to eat" I grabbed something random and went to my room.
I started sobbing. I found a razor blade and started cutting. I eventually fell asleep.
The next morning, My dad trid waking me up for school but i didnt want to do anything. I was still super upset and tired. He knew something was up. So he called the police and a cop came over to ask me some questions. He decided to bring me to E.R.
Once i got to the hospital, they asked alot more questions. I was there for about 3 hours until they decided that they were going to admit me to Sheboygan Memorial Mental Care.
It was a long drive but once i got there, i realized the drive wasnt so bad. I immediatly hated it there. Everyone was over nice but rude at the same time. I couldnt have a lot of things, such as clothes with strings, Electronics,etc. I had no contact with my friends except for a few puny letters here and there. However, i loved the food there! It was like an all you can eat buffet. but everything else was horrible. Although i hated it, it was actually helping. I was slowly getting happier and happier each day.
On the 10th day i was there, they told me that i was finally allowed to leave. I was immediatly filled with pleasure! My dad came to pick me up and Brought me home. The first thing i wanted to do was go to school and hope to see some close friends. As soon as i walked in, the guidance counseler wanted to see me. I talked with her for a while and then i went to the bathroom. Once i was done, I opened up the door and saw my bestfriend. She looked at me with disbelief for a brief second and finally ran up to me. We both started crying. About 5 minutes later, my other bestfriend walked into the room. She didnt see me though, so i walked up to her and tapped her on the shoulder. She turned around and hugged me as soon as she saw who it was and also started crying. I was so happy. I havent seen them in what feels like forever. My day was made.
When i got home, I went strait to my computer. I Had to check my facebook! I had 99+ notifications and 10 messages! It took me forever to go through. After my friends got out of school, a few of my closest friends came over to spend time with me.
That happened about 1 and a half months ago. I have been alot better lately. just all around happier. I am happy to still be alive and healty. I just hope i never have any thought of suicide and self harm ever again because its scary.
I hope you enjoyed this story. I will be making more. This was my first one, so cut me some slack.(:
Thank you for reading <3
