Ethereal

Chapter 7: Reassembled

April 2017

Stefani slammed the small door of the trailer shut behind her, leaned against it with a groan and closed her eyes; slowly, she began to count to ten in a desperate attempt to gain equilibrium. Forcing herself to breathe steadily, in and out, she searched support from the door for a good while longer before straightening, releasing a deeper breath and rolling her shoulders a few times with the feeble hope it would relieve some of the tension that seemed to live in her body permanently these days.

One, two, three... Snap the fuck out of it, girl!

She removed her vest and leather coat, buried her face against them for a moment; they smelled lovely, a combination of new leather, faint remnants of her favourite perfume and fresh outdoor air. And him.

Four, five, six... Calm down, calm down, calm down.

Angrily grabbing her brown hair and pulling it up onto a ponytail, tying it with such harsh movements that the pain in her scalp made her wince, she tossed the bundle of clothing onto the bed, tugged a t-shirt on, cursing the slight trembling of her hands. Her phone beeped, displaying a message from her agent Christian, whom she had also been dating for a couple of months, asking if she had any plans for dinner; swallowing, she texted back, telling him she would leave the set soon, even though she couldn't for the life of her figure out how she would even manage to make her way to the car right now, yet alone face the endless evening traffic on the way to Malibu. Damn it, why had she decided to drive herself today?

Seven, eight, nine... You can do this. You are a damn professional so act like one.

The sun had just gone down on the first day of filming, darkness slowly descending outside as the set quietened little by little. She had spent most of the day wrapped around Bradley, filming scenes at the gas station and on the road, trying her very best to be the happy, carefree young Ally falling deeply in love with Jackson instead of the far less happy and far less carefree Stefani; hence his scent getting onto her clothes and hence her unbalanced and tense mindset. She didn't even want to think about the fact it was only day one; this movie was still an absolute dream come true for her and walking to the set that morning had felt one hundred percent like coming home but she wasn't stupid, knew full well that feeling was largely due to the presence of her co-star and director, the man who held her heart. Because truly, he was her home, more than anything or anyone else ever could be.

Ten... Don't you think about that. None of that now.

She swallowed, grasped the clothes again, couldn't help one more deep sniff of them; tears threatened her, burning in the corners of her eyes but she carefully controlled them, didn't let a single one emerge. Reaching for her phone and bag, she was just about to make her way out, to head to the wardrobe trailer to return Ally's gear when a quiet knock sounded and Stefani instinctively knew who it was, even before she reluctantly pulled the door open and encountered the familiar intense blue eyes.

"Hey." Bradley studied her, his face worried, gaze shadowed. "Are you doing okay?"

"Yeah." She grasped the door frame, held onto it tightly with trembling fingers. "You?"

He gave a small nod, swallowed, taking one step closer. "Can I... come in for a bit?"

"Um..." Her fingers were starting to hurt from holding onto the frame with such a death grip, her heart aching from his presence, yet yearning to have him there. "I don't... I don't know if that's a good idea."

"Just for a moment." His eyes never wavered from her face. "I know it's been a really long day and you want to get home; I just... I have to be sure you're all right."