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Authors Note : well hello guys this is my first book I'm writing and I really hope you guys enjoy it please be free to leave comments at the end , voting and the number of readers would be really helpful it would be a dream come true if my book was on the what's hot list , or romance section anyways thanks again and I hope you guys like it :D !!!

Prologue :

Quote : unknown

" I'd rather be a monster than a ghost."

Well , who knew after all this time , it would still hurt , even though you don't even deserve not even an one ounce of anything .

After what you put me through me hell ? Made me feel things I wish I never did , made me believe in your crap , said stuff god only knows if it was true last but not less I DESPISE YOU !!!! because you've turned me into the monster I am today

June 2012

17 days

Day 1

" Thats , the thing about pain it demands to be felt. " - The Fault In Our Stars .

Well , this could be Like my journal or somewhere where I can express my self instead of holding it in all the time . Well we could start of how I never believed in happy ever afters , what so ever I thought it was stupid meaningless and pretty much a waste of time . But what do you when all that changes , that's when I met him I never though we could be anything but it happened and it was perfect that's when I was proven again by the universe that love is something amazing just loving someone and them loving you back it's just beyond perfection .

But losing all that at once it's just messed up , it's feels like your falling down going faster and faster yet you can't believe , there aren't at the end to catch you that's when you hit the ground , that's when you feel the pain and it hurts so much . Yet you can't do anything about it .

You try to think positive , " like , hey this is just a mistake he said he loved me , he is going to come back " , yeah that's thing with denial no matter what they say you still have hope inside that it will all be better that he's going to come around when it's not . That's when reality kicks in telling you to wake up . This is real , and yes it's happening . Everyone's telling you to forget , he's not worth it , he doesn't deserve you . You've got all the reasons not to . But why do we still do , you can't change the unchangeable because it's simply impossible .

Well , that's me now after I accepted and there is only three solutions to solve this :

- It's either accept , Change it or leave it .

- If you can't change it , accept it .

- If you can't change it leave it ....

That's the thing if I can't change anything , that happened I might as well accept it . But if I can't change anything what so ever it's better for me to leave things the way they are instead of causing my self more pain.

But everyone knew that day July 13 was the day I was proven to be a naive person believing such things , that's when I lost everything , that's when my walls stared to crash down , that's when I knew there no such thing called " love " .

What is love anyways , the term " I love you " what does that mean it's a 3 word , easy to say , hard to prove and abused to people throwing it around like some object .

Thats when it all came to a disspointment to me , okay I never believed in love but when I was in my own world where I could run away from reality was when I was reading it was my runaway portal away , from the real world where I would be the characters .

That's where I believed love did exist and there could be a knight in shinning amour for me , and finally I could be happy and have my own happy ending .

But that's was all a lie , bullshit it was just all pretend , it was just all an act and that was the day I stopped believing in any of those thats the day I promised to never believe or fall in love again .

" what you said when you left , just left cold and out of breath

I felt If I was in way to deep , guess I let you get the best of me " - Over You Daughtry .