One Night

Chapter 1

It was one of those nights.

She woke up to fix the pillow but after getting comfortable again, the sleep wouldn't return. Something kept it at bay.

In the dim bedroom, she squinted her sleep-hazed eyes to make out the dial of the clock on the nightstand. 2-something in the morning. Frustrated, she pulled the blanket tighter around herself hoping the warm fluffiness would lull her back to sleep. She still had a couple hours before the alarm would go off.

But the vague sense of uneasiness wouldn't leave her alone. Something was off.

She tried to listen to the quiet night but couldn't he – wait, what was that? She raised her head off the pillow and held her breath to hear better.

Nothing. Maybe it was the neig – no, there it was again! It almost sounded like...

A muffled noise carried more clearly now from the other room, and this time there was no question about it. He was crying.

The floor was cold and hard under her bare feet, and the nightlamp came to life with a soft snap. She picked up her robe that hung at the end of the bed where she had dropped it earlier and wrapped herself in its familiar worn-out softness that oddly comforted her.

She opened Guan Shan's room door slightly. Everything was quiet again, but there was an unmistakable waft of pungent aroma in the air, and she suppressed a tired sigh.

"Guan Shan? Can't you sleep?"

No answer. The little bundle under the superhero blanket didn't stir.

"I can't sleep, either. The neighbors' cat is rattling around and keeps me awake. I should really have a talk with them about that."

Carefully she sat on the edge of the small bed and tried to make out the little boy under the thick blanket. The smell of urine was strong, and she could feel the wet coldness soak through her robe.

She reached out to stroke the blurry shaped lump and caught Guan Shan's tiny shoulder.

"Did you have a bad dream?"

The blanket rustled when the boy hiding under it shook his head.

"Are you sure? It's okay, I have nightmares, too, sometimes." She kept stroking the blanket and her voice quiet. "You know what my mother, your grandmother, used to do when I had a bad dream?"

The bony shoulders shrugged.

"She always said it's because my stomach was upset and brew me a big mug of green tea. I didn't like the taste, though, so she always put lots of sugar and milk in it. And just like that, the nightmares went away."

"I don't like green tea. It's yucky," came a stuffy, muffled mumble.

"Well, luckily I discovered later that hot chocolate did the same trick. Would you like some?"

"When is dad coming back?"

Her hand stilled, and she closed her eyes. The silence resumed, heavy and oppressing, and the longer she let it stretch, the worse of a mother she felt. But she was tired of answering that question. She was tired of these nights.

"Not for a long time, still, honey. I'm sorry."

"Why?" The tears had crept back into his voice and make it thick.

"He had to go away for a while for some adult business. I will explain it all to you when you're a bit older."

"When?" Frustration had joined the tears.

"Soon, honey. I promise."

"You always say that!"

"Guan Shan," she said and unwrapped the blanket to reveal him, "I know you miss him terribly. I miss him, too. Every day. He didn't want to leave but he had to. He loves you more than anything else in the whole world, but he still had to."

"It's not fair."

"I know." She stroked his red hair that night sweat had stuck to his forehead. "I know."

"How about you sleep in our bed the rest of the night? You can sleep on dad's side if you want."

"I peed again," he said quietly and averted her eyes.

"It's okay, I'll get you a clean pajama."

"Can I have the Batman pajama?"

"I think it's in the laundry right now. How about – what's his name? The one boy with the red costume? Thunder?"

"Moo-om, that's Flash!"

"Well, I can't keep up with the names! It was pretty close, though."

The bed frame creaked when she hoisted herself up. In the darkness, she fumbled for a light-switch of the bedside lamp, and soon the room was lit by a dim red glow. It shaped silhouettes of little lightning bolts on the walls.

"Take off your wet clothes and I'll bring you a towel to wash up a little. Then we'll look into the pajama business."

Later, while listening to Guan Shan's deep, even breathing next to her and their neighbor getting up and ready for work, she stared at the bedroom ceiling and allowed herself of a moment of lonely aching.