Moving On From You

Day 1 - Jan 30, 2020

My boyfriend broke up with me last night at 2130. He broke up an almost 4 year relationship after spending 4 months in a long distance relationship. I went to work this morning and I couldn't help but cry whenever I was asked if I was okay or not.

I didn't know how to cope with these emotions especially trying to control and hide it throughout the day.

I got sent home early because they said that we weren't needed. When I got home I packed everything he had given me. I was crying along the process.

To be honest, the break up hurts like shit. Especially, if they suddenly became the person they promised they wouldn't be. It sucks ass to be in this position crying all day, all night.

I didn't see this coming at all. I really thought this guy was the one. Enduring all the hardships from the beginning to the end of our relationship. I thought maybe, we could last--- this could be forever.

Our relationship was doubted from the moment it started. We tried to prove them wrong. God! My mom disliked him so bad and it took him 2 years to finally get her blessing. After that, I said to myself

"I'm never letting him go. He's been through so much. I can't let this go just like that."

As much as possible, I wanted to be the reason why he's smiling but little did I know that I was the reason why he was unhappy.

There's so many questions that I wanna ask.

Why would he do this?

Was I not good enough?

Am I ugly?

Am I really hard to love?

In the end he broke up with me because he couldn't handle the distance. I think he's a coward. He promised all of these things only to break them in the end.

I'm glad I kept my promise til the end.
I have to keep this entry a minute long so I hope I'm not boring you.

I'm sorry. I'm reminiscing.
I will move on though.
This is just how I cope.

This is the first day after my break up. I'm surviving it just hurts a lot.

QOD:
Appreciate what you have right now because you might lose them tomorrow.