what is love? | yoonmin

Prologue

         Love. Strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties. An intense feeling of deep affection. Of course we know what love is, i mean we experience it daily. Whether it's family, a partner, or just anything in general. But when i say we, there are many that i exclude. Because not a lot of people experience what we call love. Some don't even believe in it. Why? Because when they need it the most, when they need someone who supports them, it's as if it never existed in the first place.

        This story is about a boy who was alone and love wasn't in their vocabulary, Min Yoongi. But before we start the actual story, lets start with how he became how he was. He grew up believing that he was the cause of his mother's unhappiness, due to the fact that his mother put it in his head every single day. His mother and her significant other were always arguing and had a very toxic relationship, but his mother loved her boyfriend very much. Though one night after an argument, she left to a bar out of anger and ended up hooking up with a man in a motel. The next day she felt guilty and her phone was packed with missed calls and messages. She came home and apologized, they argued, she made up an excuse, and it was as if it never happened the next day. 3 weeks later, she felt dizzy every morning, threw up, and felt sick. She went to the hospital and there she found that she was pregnant. Scared and confused she tried to hide this secret but soon enough her boyfriend found out. One morning while cleaning he found a pregnancy pill bottle in the bathroom. He confronted her and demanded a DNA test. They hadn't had sex in a very long time and he didn't want kids. She didn't want to take one because she knew he wasn't the father. Still he threaten to leave her so she took one and there the discovery of Min Yoongi's father was revealed. After arguments, insults, and threats, eventually he forgave her. And her delusional affection for him caused her to stay with him. On March 9th, Yoongi was born. She was truly happy for the first time. He couldn't stand the sight of the baby, that lead to him leaving her. She couldn't believe it and fell into depression. Her sick love for him took over and looking at Yoongi would remind her of him, and she hated that. She started believing that because of Yoongi, she lost her love. Not only the delusional love she got from her boyfriend but her self love. Drugs were the only thing that made her feel better. So she became awful, and treated him how she felt. As Yoongi grew up he was always reminded that he was hated and that he was the cause of her depression. So he was always alone in his room, in his class, everywhere.

   Highschool started and Yoongi went on his first day. Everyone connected instantly, it was as if everyone knew each other already. Like always Yoongi was alone, but he was used to it because in other schools this happened. No one was interested in the quiet and mysterious boy.  So he observed everyone in the class room instead. One person caught his eye, Jung Hoseok. He was funny, energetic, and handsome. He made everyone laugh and Yoongi smiled. It was a rare sight. Again Hoseok made another joke with a funny impression this time, causing the whole class to burst out laughing. Yoongi included. The class calmed down when the teacher walked in, but Yoongi couldn't stop laughing. People looked at him and Yoongi covered his mouth, embarrassed. Hoseok noticed him and smiled, "Cute." He said to himself.

     After more classes It was lunch. Yoongi just sat there at his desk as people in groups left to the cafeteria. Hoseok was about to leave with a bunch of friends when he noticed Yoongi still in the classroom. "I'll catch up, I forget something." He said, leaving the group and walked over to Yoongi. "Hii!" He popped his head over Yoongi's shoulder and smiled, causing Yoongi to jump. "Oh.. hi." Yoongi responded a bit embarrassed. Hoseok giggled, "Why aren't you coming?" Hoseok asked pulling a chair over before sitting down. Yoongi really didn't know what to say. People don't usually talk to him so it was a new feeling. "Uh.. because I like to eat privately.. and I forgot my wallet at home, but i'm fine." Hoseok patted Yoongi's head and ruffled his hair. "Let's eat together. I'll buy you something." Yoongi flustered a bit because of the sudden touch and was shocked that he offered that, " Oh! You don't have to, i'm not really hungry.. and plus your friends are probably waiting for you.. you should go." He replied shyly. Hoseok pouted and started to get up before out of no where Yoongi's stomach rumbled loudly. Yoongi's eyes widen and Hoseok burst out laughing. "You are hungry! Lets go." He said grabbing Yoongi's hand and dragged him with him before Yoongi could even reply.

    There their friendship grew and Yoongi felt something different. Growing up without feeling any type of love, he was finally a bit happy. And as days went on Yoongi's heart starting beating like never before. Hoseok made him feel something no one has ever made him feel, and when Yoongi's feelings started to get stronger he started to question himself. "Is this love?" Was a question he asked himself daily, and whenever they met he felt guilty for having these feelings, although he wasn't that certain of what those feelings were. So when he couldn't take it anymore he pulled Hoseok aside after class. "What's up? You haven't talked to me for awhile." Hoseok pouted. "Well I.. I have to tell you something." His heart was pounding. He didn't know what to do, what to say. He's never been through this, and more important Hoseok's a guy. How would he react? Yoongi's face got red and he looked down. Hoseok got worried and confused. "Woah do you have a fever?!" He touched Yoongi's forehead. "It's not hot. What's the matter?" Yoongi sighed and connected eyes with Hoseok. "My heart is the problem." Yoongi's eyes started to water. "It won't stop beating so fast.." Hoseok kept quiet and his eyes widen a bit, before grabbing Yoongi's hand. "Wait hyung.. Do you have a crush? Who? Do I know her?" Yoongi shaked his head. "You're not understanding.. no.." Hoseok couldn't connect the dots. "I think I like.. you." Yoongi said, looking directly at Hoseok. "Wait what?" Hoseok was in surprise. He was shocked and nothing came out his mouth after those words. "When i'm with you, my heart beats like crazy, and you make me feel better all the time.. even though my life is hell, you're always with me.. ugh I don't know how to explain it.. that's why I've been avoiding you.." Yoongi just kept trying to explain, tears coming down his cheek because he didn't know if what he did or how he felt was right. But Hoseok just stood there, before letting go of Yoongi's hand and walking away. He was overfilled with feelings. Yoongi watched him walk away, he squatted and just covered his face. He regretted even opening his mouth. Their friendship was so important to him. It was the only thing that mattered to him. Once again he felt alone and hated himself. And as he sat there his mother's words crossed his mind and he believed it.

    The rest of high school passed without Hoseok saying a word to Yoongi, and Yoongi just accepted the fact that their friendship was ruined and believed he was the reason. Him and his disgusting heart. So not only did he have to live with believing that he caused his mother's unhappiness, but also that he caused his only encounter of love to be ruined. His only choice now, Seoul National University.

; hey! I hoped you enjoyed this prologue, the first chapter will be posted soon! And yes, this is a yoonmin fan fiction. :D Yoongi is more emotional here, I wanted it like this because not a lot of stories show this side of Yoongi.

- lyniestar