Band Mates -On Hold-

Chapter 3-Salina

 I opened my eyes as sunlight bled through my curtains. It said 7:00 on the clock. School would start in 2 and half hours. My head was throbbing badly. Though it wasn’t as bad as when I first got a hangover. I guess the water and cucumber helped that.

I got up, walked to my bathroom and took a Tylenol. Those are for headaches right? Anyway, I walked to my wardrobe and pulled out some clothes for school. I am so grateful that there is no mandatory uniform.

I took a shower and that’s when it hit me. The first thought was, ‘My father is low dirty lying disgusting jerk, who needs to be put in his place.’

I pretty much ran out of the house. I knew that Tia would sense my mood and ask what’s wrong. I didn’t want to bring her into this world of pain and depression. I didn’t even want to see my father’s face. I’m not even going to look at him as ‘father’ anymore. He is Stephen. I’ve disowned the man that I used to look up to.

I got into my car and drove. I didn’t know where I was going because school wouldn’t start for another hour and a half. I ran out of the house so quick that I didn’t get to eat breakfast. Therefore, I drove to Starbucks. I got myself a coffee and a bagel.

Finally, I drove to Blue Square Park. I drove into the abandoned part of the park. I don’t know why, but no one comes back here to clean up. No one skates here. It’s like people just forgot that there was another part of the park. I’m glad they did though. I write most of my music here and I come here to just get away from everything. This is my part of the park… Until someone decides to pay attention to it anyway.

I finished drinking my coffee and eating my bagel.  A few tears escaped my eyes every now and then but I tried to hold it in. I tried to hold myself together. I knew that if I go all out and sob my eyes out that when I got to school people would clearly see it all over my face.

I got out my guitar from the backseat and decided to sing my feelings.

“Heartless mistress,

She has no soul,

No soul to give to,

Anyone at all.

Ohh this heartless mistress,

Doesn’t care for him.

Don’t think she’ll come,

You’ll have to lure her in.

Heartless…”

I paused, letting my tears get the best of me.

“Mistress.” That last part I sung was just above a whisper.

I put my guitar down on the side of me and pulled my knees up to my chest. I pretty much did what I said I wouldn’t. I let out all of the tears I was holding in.

I was crying for about 45 minutes. I got up and dusted myself off before putting the garbage in the trash and putting my guitar in my trunk. I got in my car and drove off to school. I hope to god, no one notices my red eyes and puffy cheeks.

*

School was pretty much a blur. On my free period I cried in the girls bathroom some more. I held my head down throughout the day and no one talked to me. I’m guessing by the look on my face, they wouldn’t want to talk to me.  I kind of carried out like that for the rest of the week. On Sunday, I was sick of it. I was sick of crying over a man that deserved no tears. I was sick of looking him in the face every single day and not saying anything. I was sick of being the shy little girl, who said nothing to no one. I was sick of sitting in this shell and waiting for it to break. So I broke it myself. I decided to create a new me. A me that took nothing from no one. A me that flirted with John instead of staring at him. If I wanted something, I was going to get it. On Sunday, little ole Salina was gone. A flame took her place.