Did I take a step? I look down at my trembling legs. Of course not. The sidewalk is the only place for me. The road ahead is a scary dark forest. It's a tunnel with no end. A path that ends into nothingness. I want to make the first step. I want to escape. I want to! I want...but I can't. I'm stuck here, trapped by all my insecurities. They've tied me down like the web of a spider, never to be free again. Never to experience what the rest of the world feels like. What was it again? What led to this situation? Since when have I been in this prison I've created on my own? How long has it been? Hours? Days? Weeks? Or maybe...years? I gulp hard. The lump in my throat is still present, making it as hard to breathe as usual. Where did my will disappear off to? Why did it run away? I gave it all the trust I could manage. I believed in myself. Wasn't that enough? Apparently not. Or maybe it was them I trusted the most...The ones who chained me to this wall, little by little, shackle by shackle. Made the chain just long enough for me to move around, but not escape. It's like right there, in front of me, they drew a line I can't cross. One bound with a curse, the curse of my own weakness.
I slide down to the ground, once again drowning in endless tears. The screams, which fill my head, are not even coming out anymore. They run through my mind, pounding against its walls like the loud ringing of a bell tower. The sensation slowly drives me insane, leaving me on the brink of madness, just when I thought I would finally be free. Yes, it would be much easier if I can finally lose it, if I let go of common sense – the main reason for this pain. Just leave! Go away! No one needs you anymore! Can't you hear me?! I don't care! Leave me alone! Let me be free...if I can't win, at least grant me this bit of freedom...The freedom of being numb to everything...Just my luck, I don't even deserve this much...Figures...
"What the hell are you doing on the ground?!" a voice echoes in the empty dark space.
"What did I fight this long for?? To see the sobbing trembling mess that's become of you?!"
Stop it. Don't do this.
"Get the hell up!"
Please, don't. Not again.
"Get up, you coward!"
Shut up! I'm not a coward!
"Get up and show them what you're made of!!"
Why do you always do this? Why do you keep calling out to me? Why do you keep pulling me back from the darkness, just as it's about to consume me? Why do you have to stick around? Why do you feed me with small fragments of hope? Is this your twisted hobby? Am I your guinea pig? Do you take pleasure in seeing me struggle endlessly? Curse you! CURSE YOU!
The dark fog lifts up and I can finally see clearly. I blink a bit, blinded by the sudden light, that surrounds me. So I'm back here once again, huh? Same as always. A never-ending loop. A merry-go-round, which I'm constantly on. Life's unwilling customer.
