I wish she understood... I wish she would have listened so it didn't have to end like that... My mental disorders seem to get in the way of everything... they aren't "an excuse" they are a reason. They don't work together, they overpower my brain and make me do the dumbest shit. OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE disorder... obsession and compulsion... it's in the name but she didn't fucking understand.. of course, she didn't.. she only cared about herself.. she lied and cheated, and I wasn't allowed to be worried? My paranoia kept me up at night "it couldn't have actually happened" "it had to have been a dream" "she wouldn't do that to me"... I was wrong... my anxiety kept me from having enough trust... I didn't know if she was actually going to stay with me... all of those broken promises helped me but now, they deepen my hole of despair. My depression got the worst of me, I thought I could trust her with my fragile emotions.. to hold them close and to find ways to help me cope so I didn't have to hurt her by hurting myself.. but she threw them away... she helped me with my bulimia... helping me eat and keeping me from purging.. but even she didn't care enough to help me all the way...
she called me crazy...manipulative... and obsessive... but I only asked for the bare minimum...
