Blue Death

Two

I woke up in a slight fog, last I heard when you kill yourself you aren't supposed to wake up. The belt still hung on the door of the closet but there was no mark on my neck nor did it hurt. "dreams.." I muttered as I got up. Friday mornings were always sweet as I usually had the house to myself; no school, mom and dad were at work, and my shit head of a brother was either at grandma's or over driving my aunt insane. My mom was an office manager and my dad, well step dad, was a mechanic. my father, or as I like to call him, the sperm donor wasn't around, never really was for me. He was an asshole of the highest caliber, and his new wife was a god damn bitch. The last time I saw them I pushed his sorry fat ass out a window and nearly killed him. He, of course, told everyone he fell off a ladder while fixing something on the roof but I think they all knew it was bullshit. Between his verbal abuse and his wife's physical abuse I never wished them well, but I guess they were pretty good parents to the two boys they had together, so I never wished them death or anything. Hell they even treated my full brother well. I guess they were the main reason I didn't wanna live anymore, but the last straw was Sebastian. Why he had to be so rude about it I'll never know, but I was never good with rejection anyway. Looking back on it now I laugh, but that night I was broken and there wasn't anything to look forward to. Dark I know but that's how it started I guess.

As I wandered into the kitchen in search for sustenance, I heard the first word. At the time; of course, it wasn't a word to me since it wasn't in English, and god damn did it scare the shit out of me. A distinctly female voice spoke but it was a soft breathy sound, similar to what Harry potter spoke when he talked to snakes but mixed with some kind of dead language like Latin. It took me a minute or two to actually register that I heard it but once I was sure I panicked. Weeks went by and she wouldn't shut up. I couldn't sleep and I sure as hell couldn't focus. Something had to be wrong with me so I went to my mom about it.

"Bri, you're probably having nightmares or something, we've tried the therapy thing and you wont talk to the doctors."

"Mom you don't understand, this is an actual problem and I'm scared, there's someone in my head talking to me in a language I cant speak or even explain!" I pleaded for days and eventually she took me into behavioral health. The lady shook her head when I told her and almost laughed a bit until my eyes welled up with tears. No one ever takes you seriously until you start crying I've found. Eventually I was referred to Greystone Mental Institute, and my fear of doctors was born. Two weeks I was there, but whatever they gave me made time speed up heavily and it only felt like a day. Soon she learned English. Blue was her first real word. Turns out our language is extremely complicated compared to others because she got the translation of her name wrong, and was nowhere close to Protection; I found out that was her real name later. Soon she learned Death, then her understanding grew quickly. It started off as simple sentences like "I am Blue" or "I am Death" and quickly moved to "My name is Blue Death, I am here to help you." and just got more and more complex. Eventually her English became better than mine; not sure how the hell that happened, but I'm not exactly complaining. As she learned more and more about me, I learned more and more about her. She explained all of her past and even where death came from. Believe me, I had a million questions but of course she couldn't answer half of them. Sadly there's a lot of things we humans can't know or even understand. A lot of it is because there simply aren't words we can understand that can explain it all in any language.

Soon my fear became pure curiosity and I found myself talking with her all night and all day. I wanted to know why I was so alone all the time but of course she couldn't exactly answer those questions, however she promised me that I'd never have to be alone again and that gave me then, and still does, a hell of a lot of comfort.

After Greystone things were a bit blurry, in all honesty I have no idea how we got home. I wasn't allowed to watch the news for awhile, not that I really wanted to, but my mom made sure I wasn't ever watching it. When I asked Blue she simply told me she wasn't sure either, she never did lie to me well. I wouldn't find out until that night. Something else was forming inside me; something neither Blue nor I ever wanted, but most importantly, something we'd come to need one day. That night both of us were shaken as a new voice spoke to us. A male with a raspy voice chimed in while the room was silent with one simple phrase. "I am your Nightmare." And with that sentence, my ray of hope for a happy life was darkened by a cloud of anger, hate, and depression.