My brother was right about one thing, my voice had gotten deeper over the span of two months. I was a baritone with oh so very few cracks in my vocals. Unfortunately I hadn't seen my brother in a while. Not since the day he explained puberty to me. I wasn't able to spend much time with him before, and now I'd been forbidden from doing so altogether. I'm not so sure about what made mother so scared of his influence on me. She'd almost considered it a mild annoyance before my birthday, now her demeanor said something all together different.
I stayed farther away from mother recently. Her drinking made her suffocating to be around, I'd contracted anxiety towards her liquor intake. When she got home she'd make me have a glass prepared, and hot water for her baths ready. She'd go on about her day through a crack in the bathroom door, as I sat across the hallway gazing at the shadow of her silhouette on the wall. I started listening less and less to her words, as she'd get deeper into the bottles of wine. After two and a half full glasses, she'd talk about my self esteem, and how she could make me more content than anything else.
I wasn't content though, I couldn't figure out why. I was uncomfortable all the time, I had less and less friends every week. I'd stopped trying to talk to people, instead I started to prefer examining them. People seemed so normal compared to me. I felt like a living breathing curse. I wanted to be happy, but I couldn't seem to let anyone in. I was disconnected.
I was eventually completely alone. That is, until Natalie Moore came to school. She was a transfer from a high school 13 and a half miles out of town, in the big city. To me that made her a greater mystery. Why would her and her mother move out here? To such a small town? I could tell she was bored and discontent with her new life, she'd always stare out into the space of her mind during class. It was as if she was reminiscing the exciting life she had before, her cheeks curled up as she'd doodle on her page. I loved her smile, it reminded me of my mother smile, years before the lines of age had crept up on her. The youthful glow of a woman who hadn't seen much of the world yet. I could dissect it from the front and the teacher, Ms. Briggs would never even notice.
Today was different though, she kept looking back at me. My discreet glances no longer unreciprocated. Natalie kept catching me looking at her! My checks would burn red, and after a while she'd smirk back at me.
Suddenly the bell rung and I quickly hopped out of me desk, turning in this weeks homework onto Ms. Briggs desk. I exited behind two fellow classmates who chattered loudly about football practice. Usually I'd absentmindedly pay attention to trivial conversations out of habit, but now panic overwhelmed me. I think I was actually scared of her, I couldn't imagine what it would be like to actually talk to Natalie. She was far too self confident for me to engage her.
Though I thought I'd made it out with several classmates between us, my luck ran short. I felt a subtle tapping at my shoulder and turned around to meet Natalie's Green eyes. Startled I tried my best at a smile, to which she just laughed and rolled her eyes. She started walking beside me so I continued with my usual stride. I was almost entirely unaware of how social interactions were supposed to go, but I tried my best at playing casual.
"You know, I think you're a creep."
Her first words to acknowledge me had been a heavy blow to the chest. Embarrassed I sunk my shoulders and sighed.
"I'm sorry."
She snickered, shrugging her shoulders as she gripped onto her textbooks against her chest. I guess this was an indication that she didn't mind. She peered up at me, curiosity peaking I met her gaze.
"I don't mind it ya know, I just kind of wished you would have worked your way up to talking to me by now."
I didn't even think I could get to that point. The only friend I had was a well known stoner and delinquent named Kenny. He'd secretly snuck over to give me cigarettes and I'd do his homework in return. We'd actually spoken every once in a while and become good friends before our Sophomore semester started. We didn't socialize in school much, but we always gave a nod in passing. He'd smirk at me on days he knew I was getting low, and I'd nod at him with my own version of a smirk. It was our way of saying see ya after school. Today though, I think I'd skip our appointment and see where this went with Natalie.
We were approaching the doors to exit our school and I'd hardly even gotten a full sentence out.
"Well if it helps make me seem like less of a freak, I'm Tyler."
She walked in front of me grinning from ear to ear, before pushing the door open for us. I nodded and walked through while she followed along.
"I think it's pretty obvious I'm new, which probably makes me seem exciting; but I promise you that's not true at all."
I chuckled, looking at her permanent smirk tattooed on the corner of her mouth. I think she made a great impression, I wonder if she felt self conscious like I did about my impression. She didn't seem to, she held herself like she already had all he answers and knew exactly who she was.
"Anybody who hasn't lived in the 30 mile radius of this town all their life, is vastly cooler than the average person" I replied.
"You're just saying that cause you've never felt suffocated by the lack of human compassion in cities."
I was intrigued by her, she didn't talk like a high schooler. She talked like someone who'd seen the world twice over and never found anywhere she liked best. A deep, older soul. While I had the emotional complexity of a black hole.
I smiled before stating what I thought was a clever reply. "I guess you've never experienced the loneliness of no one in a small town acknowledging you for more than a minute."
Suddenly though my mood shifted to sour. I think moods are contagious because she seemed to go quiet at that. Out of nowhere she put her arm over my shoulder and exclaimed that we were going to be best buds then.
After that I walked her home and we chatted about the teachers, me letting her know what she could and couldn't get away with for which teacher. She cracked jokes, and laughed at mine. And as I waved her off as she ran down the driveway of her house, The last house on the right of Cedar drive; I got the feeling that I finally had something good for me.
It felt the comfort of knowing I had a real friend, even if it was only until mom found out and demanded I stopped talking to her. I planned to enjoy every moment while it lasted.
