oneshots and whatnot

old buildings and the importance of individuality

There was some sort of beauty in destruction, in the old, overgrown, and moldy. Beauty in silence and abandonment, where the rotting building stood for years. Kai enjoyed coming here, sitting amidst the damp grass growing through the cracked tiles, humming a soft tune beneath his breath. It was an escape for him, from the controlling and angry brother, from his terrible job as his wingman, from the silent night streets from which he'd sometimes pick victims. It wasn't much, just an old brick building he'd found on a night stroll some years ago. he'd come here to cry sometimes, when he needed to let the tears flow and the wounds heal. it wasn't much, but it was something.
Sometimes he'd wonder, "why do you keep coming here" but he knows the answer. He's tired, So, so tired. Tired of his brother, of himself, of his job, tired of the world seemingly working against him. How many people did he have killed? How many people has he sent to their doom? Innocent people who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  How many peoples bloody corpses did he clean? It's disgusting, He's disgusting. And yet.... He can't get himself to do anything about it. perhaps it was fear, fear of his brother, fear of the police, of jail, and loss of the little freedom he had. Perhaps it was selfishness, Edgar, despite being such a horrible person, provided for him anyway, from the little apartment he owned to the fancy gaming computer he bought last year. it was nice, really, he could just disconnect from the world for an hour or two, play something that was happy and full of charm instead of facing reality. A reality in which he was alone against the world, a reality in which his family members left him one by one without even thinking twice, a reality in which he has to clean up blood and gore after his brother holds yet another stream. Sometimes he does background checks on Edgar's victims, to make sure they're suitable, And then he feels sick to his stomach, knowing that if he wasn't directly related to Edgar he'd be a target. Sometimes it's hard to sleep after those realizations.
He wonders sometimes, what would've happened if eve never left? Would life have been the same? But then he thinks about it, and he's glad Eve escaped, even if he got left behind. Eve had gotten so quiet the few weeks before he left, he was never timid but there was a sort of softness to him other people didn't posess. perhaps it was because he's the only one who's ever truly cared for Kai. despite being the same age ,Eve always seemed so much more mature, stronger. Kai truly hopes he's doing well. Eve always reminded him of their mother, she wasn't there much for them but Kai couldn't really blame her, after all, who wants to care for children you didn't even want. But there was always a certain aura to her, a tired but stubborn look, she was a fighter. He hopes she's okay too.

Perhaps now he understands why he likes this place so much, there is beauty in disasters, in dirt, in painful memories, in loss and in the feeling of being alone.
Perhaps he just enjoys the silence.