Someone to Talk to

“Tomoe, can I talk to you?”

“Hey, Tomoe! I need to talk to you.”

“Tomo-chin, you have a moment?”

“We need to talk.”

Tomoe heard those phrases and similar ones very often. She was always the one people went to when they needed to talk. Tomoe didn’t mind it, by any means, but it was hard. She constantly had to worry about other people. To try to help them with their problems.

But, the main thing was: no one ever was there for her to talk to.

She was seen as someone who didn’t have any problems. Someone you could always rely on. But, that wasn’t the case. Tomoe did have problems. And a pretty major one at that. She didn’t know how it happened, but suddenly, she just lost motivation to do much. Nothing felt good to do anymore.

Tomoe didn’t want to talk about it with her parents. Or with Ako. She didn’t feel like they would understand her. But, no one else would listen either. If she tried, they’d always assumed she was asking a question about something unimportant. They never thought she’d be wanting to talk about how she felt.

Tomoe wasn’t in a very good place at the moment. At some point, she had turned to cutting to deal with her problems. She made sure she kept her scars hidden from everyone. She always wore long sleeves now to make sure they were hidden. No one knew anything was up. They all thought she was fine.

Tomoe was sitting in her bedroom at the moment. She was staring at the wall. She was numb inside again. Tomoe grabbed a pocket knife on her bedside. She had put it there under the guise that she wanted something to defend herself in an emergency. That wasn’t the intended purpose of it, though. It’s purpose was for her to use to cut.

Tomoe rolled up her sleeves. She ran a finger down the cuts already coating her arms. She made some new ones. It made her feel something for a little. Something other than just numbness. Tomoe knew what she was doing wasn’t good, but she couldn’t stop. It was the only thing that seemed to help her anymore.

Tomoe sighed as she cleaned up her new scars. She knew at some point, she’d have to talk. This couldn’t keep going on forever. But, she couldn’t find a way to talk to anyone. No one ever had time for her, unlike how she always had time for them.

Tomoe got off her bed and rolled her sleeves down. It was time to go to practice. She sighed and grabbed her bag. She didn’t feel happy in the band anymore. It was just a tedious job to her. She didn’t find any enjoyment in what she did. Tomoe wished she could at least have that to enjoy still.

She was the last one to show up, which had become a normal occurrence at this point. No one thought anything of it after Tomoe just told them she had stuff to do before she came now. They believed her without any question. Why would they think anything was wrong?

Practice was going by slowly again. Time seemed to freeze whenever she was at practice. Tomoe could barely focus on anything. She felt exhausted. Her energy had been depleted a long time ago and never came back. Doing the simplest things were a great struggle, so you could imagine playing the drums was a lot more taxing.

Tomoe managed to stay on tempo so no one suspected anything was up. The last thing she wanted right now was for them to worry. She wasn’t ready to talk. She didn’t know what she would say to them. She had to think about that first. Tomoe just kept pushing it off. She didn’t want to talk.

They took a brief pause between songs. Tomoe couldn’t believe it had only been ten minutes since they started. It felt like an eternity. She just wanted to go back home.