The past 2 days have been absolute hell for you. You would barely eat, talk, or even sleep. You were so guilty with yourself for leaving him, knowing he was on his death bed.
Ariana hadn't left your side since the day you got the call. Flying back home was something you were trying to delay as long as possible. You didn't want the reality of him being gone to sink in entirely.
The funeral was tomorrow and you weren't ready for it at all. Seeing your grandfather laying there was something you never could prepared yourself for.
Currently, you are sitting out on the balcony of the hotel looking out at the Chicago skyline. Ariana was inside finishing packing up all yours and her belongings for the flight home.
"Hey baby, we have to get going." She peaked her head out of the sliding door.
Picking yourself up and out of the chair you walk into the room and pick up your bags without answering. You hadn't felt like talking and Ariana knew that but not for one second did she leave your side, which you appreciated more than anything.
On the flight home, you had been sitting there silently stare aimlessly out the window. Engulfed in your own negative thoughts. They were tearing you apart mentally; guilt, sadness, anger, everything.
Besides the night you received the call, you hadn't show much of any emotion. Ariana tried multiple times to get you to let it out, but you were just too numb.
Ariana brought you out of your thoughts when she began speaking to you.
"Hey y/n. I know tomorrow is going to be rough for you but-" You interrupted her to stop her from going on.
"Don't. Please..." Looking at your girlfriend, she looked at you with sadness in her eyes.
"Y/n, please don't keep all your emotions inside. Talk to me, please." She begged, grabbing ahold of your hand.
Squeezing your eyes shut, all your thoughts came rushing back, overwhelming you like a punch to the gut.
The dinners, holidays, birthdays, baseball games, all the memories you had of your grandpa conflicting with the thoughts of how guilty you felt for not being there. You were fighting an extremely hard battle with yourself. You didn't even notice that your hold on Ariana's hand was tightening with every thought.
"Y/n, look at me! Come on, my love. Talk to me, you need to let it out." She placed both of her hands on your cheeks forcing you to look at her.
And just like that. You broke, once more.
"He promised me he was gonna be okay. He promised! He promised me we were gonna go see that baseball game!" You yell, tears streaming down your face. "It's all my fault. I shouldn't have left. I-I should've stayed."
"Don't you dare say it was your fault. It was not your fault, you didn't know this was going to happen." Ariana held you in her arms slowly rocking you back and forth.
"I miss him so much, Ariana." You whisper, hiccuping due to your uneven breathing.
"I know, honey. I know. I'm so so sorry." Holding you tighter, she could feel your rapid heartbeat.
Trying to speak once more you found yourself beginning to hyperventilate.
"Hey, hey, hey. Calm down, y/n. I'm right here. Shhhh." She moved your head so her mouth was against your ear and continued whispering in an attempt to calm you down.
"I-I-I can't b-b-breathe." You stutter through your heavy breathes.
"You can, baby. Just take deep breathes. Match my breathing." Ariana takes deep breathes against your ear for you to match it.
Eventually you calm down enough to where you are breathing normally again but your eyes continue streaming more tears.
"I don't think I can go tomorrow, Ariana. I can't handle hearing everyones "I'm sorry"and stories about him. I'm not ready for that." You confess, looking into Ariana's eyes.
"I know it will be hard. But I'll be right there with you, y/n. I'm not leaving your side. Whenever you need a break we can step away for as long as you need, okay?"
You nod reluctantly. "Okay."
"It's gonna be okay, my love. I promise." She pulls you into her arms once again, not letting go. You were letting out 2 days worth of emotions built up and it felt so good.
After a while you backed away and looked at Ariana who was still full of concern.
"Oh baby, you're eyes." You had large bags under your eyes from the sleepless nights you had been having. All you wanted was a way out of your head to be able to get some peaceful rest.
"My thoughts were too much, I couldn't sleep." You confess.
"Aw, y/n. Why didn't you wake me up? I could've helped you." She asks, upset.
"I didn't want to burden you with my problems."
"Your problems are my problems, y/n." She tells you, placing her arm around your shoulder. "Here, lay down. We still have a few hours till we are home. Take a nap, baby. You need the rest." Patting her lap, you oblige to her request. Laying your head down on your girlfriends lap, she immediately started to run her fingers through your hair. She knew it was the one thing that could automatically put you to sleep.
Closing your eyes, you felt a blanket being placed over you and then a quiet whisper.
"Thank you, mommy." Ariana whispered to Joan who you assumed placed the blanket over you.
"Get some sleep, baby. I love you." Placing a kiss against your head, she continued ruffling her fingers through your hair. Forcing you into a deep slumber that you much needed.
Returning home later that day, you and Ariana had spent the rest of the day cuddling on the couch. You had been catching up on your sleep most of the time while Ariana made sure you were wrapped in her arms the entire time. She knew tomorrow was going to be one of the most difficult days for you and it broke her heart. So for now, she was content knowing you were getting the rest you really needed for tomorrow.
All the dogs had knew the second you walked through the front door that something was wrong and all cuddled up on the floor next to the couch to make sure you were protected. Myron specifically cuddled up directly to your side where your arm was placed over him while the other was wrapped around Ariana's waist. For a moment, you were content. Your thoughts finally letting you relax.
