My heart may be broken and the life in my eyes could be shattered but maybe I'll be ok. Maybe my heart will mend and maybe my hope will return but for right now I know nothing else. I don't know how to pick myself up. I don't how to live without the increased feeling of love. You kept me stable.
The compliments and hugs and the cute text messages were something I always had. Until you left. Until you chose someone who wouldn't do anything for you. You know, I gave my everything to you and you didn't care.
You never care.
I don't think you ever did, your hugs seemed forced and your compliments seemed fake. You had more bad things to say than good. Was I slow today or stupid. Was my hair in a weird style or did I look sick?
Why wasn't anything sincere? It wasn't what I wanted. I never wanted you to leave. I wanted you to hug the life back into my eyes and revitalize my soul.
You didn't.
I don't think you ever would've. I can't even look at you now. Remember when we met up for the first time after so many months and you sat there and talked to someone else.
Was I ever important?
I had friends that talked to me more than you did. But your voice was silk and our plans often infiltrated my head. My thoughts were always clouded with you. How your hair looked today or what you were wearing. Did you ever think about me?
It doesn't seem like it.
Was he more important or was she? How was your basketball game? I thought you had practice? Why didn't you talk to me, I would've understood.
But you didn't even give me a chance.
So you picked her. You even told me you loved me the night before I found out. I don't think you ever did. I don't think you wouldve cared enough to give me an explanation.
Did our conversations mean nothing to you? Was this all a game, because none of it felt real. I thought I'd see you one day, with me, in our first apartment. We would be painting all day and sleeping on the floor all night but that never came. You chose her. She was better though. She was way prettier and I think cared for your feelings more. She was funnier, right? That has to be the reason that instead of staying up one night and making sure I was ok, you laughed and called her. I think you liked her more.
Maybe it was how long her hair was or maybe how tall she was. She could be smarter and prettier. She could have way less problems and gave you someone to lean on. Maybe instead of me crying to you she was helping you.
I guess I didn't do a good job.
But your heart belonged to her and your mind must have filled with her scent. Because you slowly forgot about me. You didn't care where I was or when you would see me next. I'm pretty sure you were with her on the weekends. You went to her party and hung with her friends. What about me?
Maybe I'm selfish.
But I always thought that no matter what was taken from me or how much I was beaten down, you wouldn't leave me too. You promised me and you broke it all at once, and now the part of my heart I gave to you is in her hands.
She wasn't as careful with me as she was with you. But it was ok. You were happy again. And if you were happy I was happy for you. Even if all it did was hurt me more.
All I ever wanted was to sit with you. To hug you a couple times. To talk. To maybe paint or read a book. But you did all that with her. I bet you walked her to class and brought her to her locker.
I always hoped that that would've been me.
I guess some dreams are only dreams. And maybe you were one of them.
