I couldn't stop staring. You were so close with her. You hugged her like she was the only one to ever be there. That was me once. We laughed and chatted and you looked at me with admiration in your eyes. Remember the classes we shared and how many inside jokes we had? Maybe you dont. Maybe everything we once had was a complete lie. Did you ever even like me?
You would never hold me that close.
But you did it with her today. You held her like she put the stars in the sky and made water run. She didn't even do that. But you believed she could. You believed that all she ever did was absolutely perfect. You looked at her like no matter what you knew she'd always be there.
I wanted that to be me.
I really did. It's all I truly wanted from you. Was to see you, maybe touch you and hear you laugh. That's what I wanted. I wanted to sit with you and hug you and just enjoy what we had. It never happened, you moved on.
You moved way on.
But it hurt most when you pulled her to your chest and kept her there. Or when you would continue to look at her while she was in your lap. It hurt the most when we locked eyes. Even if it was for a split second while you both stood there. It hurt so bad to know that no matter what I was never yours.
We always got so close and we're at fingertips reach. Remember in math when you told that you got me. When you told me you wouldn't let me fall. I trusted you and let go of that desk.
You never let me fall.
Maybe that is why I wanted you so bad. With your hand around my waist and my heart in my throat I trusted you with everything I knew I had. But you let go. You dropped my chair and left me confused. I was free with you. But you never even felt caged with her. Did you feel trapped with me? Or did it break your heart knowing I still liked him.
The stupidest part of all is that I think it was always you. When you put your head on mine and pulled me close. Or when you were dressed like carmax one day and kept me far. I think that's when I knew I loved you.
When you gave me everything but all I wanted was you.
But once again you chose her. You talked to other girls and maybe you found the one. But I wanted it to be me and you. For it to be our dog and our studio. Maybe it should even be our car or our house. But no matter what I always thought you'd be here.
You kinda left later last year. Once you started dating her and cherishing her I no longer mattered. I mean sure you answered my calls when I was sad but that's where it stopped. You stopped texting but started leaving me on read. You stopped looking at me in the halls but started looking for her.
What made her so special?
Was it her hair, or her eyes? Maybe it was how she answered in chemistry or wrote in english? Was she better at math? Was her face slimmer, her hips wider? Or was the sole reason you left because she wasn't me and that is exactly what you were looking for.
You were never looking for me.
But I always looked for you. I gave you longing looks in Cass and petrified looks in the hall. I wanted you to know how petrified I was without you. You looked over my head. You turned your back in Cass and I never saw your eyes again.
But I knew they were always a deep brown. I hope you take care of her and treat her with so much love she forgets what not having it feels like. I want you to hug her so often that she'll never forget the feeling of your arms around her. I want you to make sure she's always ok, and if she's not then help her. I want you to shower her with gifts, treat her like a princess.
Treat her like a queen
But most importantly, never leave her hanging. Don't leave her on open and don't deny her hugs. Keep a smile on her face and a heart full of love. Treat her with everything you have.
Keep her with you, I can tell she loves you already. Take care of that love, hold it in your hands and treat it like it's fragile. Fall for it over and over and over again.
Fall for her over and over again.
Love her like you never did me. And keep yourself happy.
I love you.
