Writing To Remember

One Last Letter

When I decided to kiss him, when I decided to give him a hand, when I decided to say 'I love you too", was when we validated both of us past the point of comfortability, past the point of return.

So when we said goodbye, not a single soul had to guess how badly I wanted there to be an 'undo' button on life.

To my favourite past-lover:

I say I'll move on, and I know there will be that day. That time where I plan out my future with no one but myself in mind. Where I start investing my time in my children without you. But you don't realise that I saw a future with you, that I imagined building a home with you. Letting go is so hard, especially after you broke it from clenching your fist so tightly. But I know that I will have him and my children in this journey of life, and they'll make the struggles that I'm facing now worthwhile. I may not be able to get over you just yet, but I know I will. One day. That one day I stop thinking about you, when my feelings die out. I know that I'll be sitting in the car being driven around by him and listing out my groceries without you crossing my mind. Ever. Without my notice, that letter will be sent to me, either online or offline. Where your name will be in the obituaries, saying that you went home to the Lord. Deep down, I'll still hurt because I know I never really got over you. And I never will. I'll ache with reminder of all the memories, all those phenomenally special nights, all those times where I cried for you without you even knowing. I'll catch one last glimpse of you. In the moment where that last glimpse catches itself, you will be no more. You can't reopen doors nailed shut, and neither can you turn ashes back into bones. I know I will never be able to resurrect you, but I resurrected our memories that you left me with. And even though you're no longer around making a difference to anyone, know that you made a difference to me. You left a footprint on the sand of time, in my memory. There it shall stay, until I no longer. That's how you'll be remembered. Not for all of time but temporarily. That's how you were loved. Not widely but deeply.