I Can't

Part 13

Once Charles got Elsie settled in the bed with the twins Fraya lying in her lap and Theo lying in her arms Charles left the room leaving the door cracked slightly just in case Elsie needed anything, Charles headed towards The Clarkson’s room to inform them about his wife’s conscious state.
Knocking on the door Charles was greeted with nothing but the frantic sound of people searching for clothing.
Realizing what he had interrupted Charles cheeks turned an unbecoming shade of red.
“Charles what is it, is something wrong with Elsie” a heavily disgruntled Richard Clarkson called opening the door as she tied the strings of his dressing gown before stepping out of the room and closing the door behind him making sure to block the line of view of the bed.
In his embarrassment Charles stumbled over his words “um…. ah.... *cough* Elsie is awake and sitting in bed but she had an unusual reaction to my presence and I was wondering if you could help me understand what happened  while she was unconscious or maybe you could talk to her you know everything about her time with your brother” Charles looked at Richard who was still flabbergasted by the presence of the abbey’s butler
“aye I’ll see what I can do but I’m afraid if it is what I think it maybe you’ll have to wait somewhere so just her and I can talk because she has to tell you on her own” Richard replied turning around and sticking his head in the door whispering something to his wife before walking along down the corridor to the spare bedroom to talk to his sister-in-law
Before Charles could call after him he turned around and Isobel was standing in her husband’s place tying her dressing gown over her nightgown before reaching her arm out to guide Charles towards the kitchen “come Carson let me make you some tea I get the feeling that it is going to be a long night for the four of us
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In the spare Bedroom Richard walked in to find Elsie in tears sitting in bed caressing Fraya’s head mumbling to herself. He could tell she was fighting with the little girl inside her that just wanted to run and hide away from the pain that she had buried to so deep. “I’m so sorry Da I’ll try harder next time I’m so sorry” she mumbled one hand holding her son while the other stopped caressing her daughters caressing her daughters head which she had cupped in her hand instead she balled the bed sheets in her hands draw blood from her nails digging into her palms from the shear force she possessed
“Petal” Richard called quietly walking over and sticking his hand out to caress her cheek lifting her chin up so her face was level with his though her eyes still looked down as though the tears she shed weighed them down. “you’re hurting yourself” Richard spoke as though he was talking to a child taking her injured hand in his. “he isn’t here Petal and even if he was I wouldn’t let him hurt you ever again and I get the feeling that neither will Charles” Richard soothed he kissed her injured hand as you would kiss a child’s as though your touch could heal the wound.
“he doesn’t need to know Richard I’ll be fine in a few minutes I just need a moment to put it behind me again” Elsie sniffle
“I know you can hide it again trust me I do but I don’t want you to have to do that again Petal it’s not healthy” Richard replied holding her hands in his
“yes, well I’m not losing another husband and my children because of that man so Charles doesn’t need to know” Elsie said firmly
“If you don’t tell him Elsie and this continues I will have no choice but to tell him for you because it is what’s best for you even though that is the last thing I want to do to you” Richard warned before placing a gentle kiss on Elsie’s forehead before she moved you head to look at her children in their basinet not being able to look Richard in the eyes
“if you think he needs to know that bad then tell him Richard just know that I may not forgive you for your betrayal” Elsie warned not looking up at Richard
“then I guess that’s a risk I shall have to take if it means your husband can help you through what your father did to you because he deserves to know I can see it all he wants to do for you Elspeth is to help you and to be by your side through everything” Richard stated
“Fine if you choose to tell him that is your choice and because I am a woman I have no choice to tell you otherwise” Elsie replied turning from Richard and reaching out for her children laying on the bed next to her “now will you please leave me alone” Elsie held back tears as she curled her body around her one month old twins
“I love you Petal that’s why I’m doing this for your own good love you have to understand that he needs to know so he can help you through this you don’t have to do it by yourself this time you have someone in your corner that isn’t just me or Margaret or Benjamin.” Richard said before turning and walking out the door leaving Elsie to her children
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“Charles can I have a word please” Richard asked walking into the kitchen where Charles and Isobel where sitting around the kitchen Island drinking tea.
“Is Elsie ok” Charles asked walking towards the door where Richard was standing
“yes she is quiet fine” Richard replied leading Charles out onto the back porch to talk with the butler “this is something else that has to do with Elsie I told her I would tell you this but I think she needs to tell you herself I need you to go talk to her but let her tell you on her own terms you can’t force it out of her she will hate you for it” Richard said look into the taller mans worried eyes
“what do you mean you can’t tell me what is going on with my wife I think I deserve to know if it in anyways pertains to my wife’s wellbeing” Charles roared pacing back and forth on the back porch
“what I mean is this is a personal thing from Elsie’s passed that she needs to tell you herself because it is something she doesn’t like to share with anyone the only reason I know is because I was there when it happened it happened back in Argyll when we were children” Richard replied “Now I suggest that you go into that bedroom with you wife and be there for her she will tell you on her own time but now you know she has something to tell you” Richard replied before turning and walking away from Richard and back into the house to take his wife to bed they have an early start in the morning in order to make it to the abbey for breakfast with the family on their first day back from the season in London.
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Back in the bedroom with Elsie and the twins.
“mummy loves you two little miracles so much mummy will never ever hurt you the way grandpa hurt mummy never” Elsie murmured caressing her babies’ faces as they squirmed in her arms
“Elsie my love” Charles called knocking on the door before gently pushing the door open to see his wife cradling their twins in her arms and she spoke to them.
“oh Charles” Elsie gasped placing a hand on her chest startled by Charles’ sudden appearance in the door way.
“I hope I didn’t disturb your little moment with the twins” Charles stated walking over to the bed where his family sat
“say you didn’t disturb anything papa” Elsie smiled playing with Fraya’s stomach as she spoke
“well I’m glad you know Elsie my love if ever there was something you wanted to tell me you know I will always be there I will always support you through everything” Charles said not looking up from his son face
“what did he tell you Charles” Elsie asked looking away from her husband a preparing to feed her daughter who was starting to fuss out of hunger
“all he told me was that I was supposed to let you tell me on your own terms and that it was something from your past back in Argyll from when the two of your where children” Charles replied laying Teddy on the bed preparing to change his nappy even though most husband in the 1920’s couldn’t be bothered with anything that had to do with child rearing Charles wanted to do everything for his children and with his wife minus that feeding part that is.
“Oh” Elsie sobbed looking into her daughter’s wonder filled eyes “when you look into our daughter or our son’s eyes would you ever lay a hand on them that wasn’t out of love. If I left you alone in this world and all you were left with was these two lovely little miracles would hold resentment for them enough to lay a hand on them” Elsie sniffled brushing her index finger against her daughter’s cheek as she spoke
“I would never raise a hand to either of our little miracles or you my precious wife” Charles replied reaching over with his free hand and to grasp her cheek in his hands
“well then you are far more of a man than my father ever was Charles Richard saved Becky and I from his grip a few times Benjamin knew about it and so did Margaret whenever I ran from the farm Becky would come with me when I turned eighteen I took Becky and I ran that’s when I found out the Benjamin and I were to be married we kept Becky with us for the first year or so then I got pregnant and we didn’t have enough room for all of us so we send Becky off to a hospital where she could get around the clock care then Margaret Became a nurse there and Becky was well looked after my father died not long after and I didn’t have to worry about his cruelty anymore.” Elsie murmured as she lifted Fraya to burp as Charles finished changing his son “you see Charles when my mother died during Becky’s birth my father grew to resent Becky he drank and he was an angry drunk eventually he began to resent the fact that he didn’t have any sons and in his eyes I wasn’t good enough and with Becky’s condition I was forced to protect my sister from a young age that’s all I have to say and that is all you will get from me” Elsie said before handing her daughter over to her husband taking her son to feed while Fraya was changed by her father
“I’m so sorry my love” Charles replied reaching over to turn Elsie’s face towards him needing to look into her eyes to “I will never hurt you nor will I let anyone else hurt you ever again you and our children are safe and yes that include Lorelei” Charles stated before leaning over an kissing his wife on the lips before wiping away her tears. He turned towards his daughter to change her diaper when he turned Elsie leaned over to rest her head on her husband’s shoulder their son suckling happily at her breast unaware of the turmoil his parents just went through and came out better on the other side.