Falling. I'm falling. Deeper and deeper into the darkest corners of my mind. Places you didn't even know existed in such a happy human being. I smile. I'm bubbly. I laugh a lot. On the inside I'm dying. My every thought scrapes aways slowly at the person that I used to be. Everything was fine. I'm fine. My biggest lie is I'm fine. I just can't seem to get over it. Does anyone want me? Would anyone notice if I just disappeared one day? I've lost myself and it's all because of something as stupid as continuously being bullied for no reason. For being different. For being a little 'weird'. My music taste, the way I speak, the way I behave and conduct myself. They're all contributing factors in my cold and hard descent into the dark side of my mind. It constantly runs through my head you're not good enough. You're not pretty enough. You're not skinny enough. You're not smart I mean... Come on. You're not likable people are only around you because they feel sorry for you. When you're with other people you sink into the background because nobody wants you. You're meaningless. You're just another dumb blonde and guys only like you for your boobs. You're a waste of perfectly good oxygen. I only tend to make things worse for other people. I'm a fat fucking waste of a life and I'd be more useful if I was made into something no one used.
Sometimes I think to myself what's the fucking point anymore? Why don't you just get over it? Are you really that pathetic? You should end it. Sometimes, I feel like I should. I feel like everyone would be better off if I wore a necklace made of rope. You hurt other people. Other people are hurting. So why not inflict it upon yourself purely because you're the one who caused it. You don't deserve friends. You don't deserve James. You don't deserve anything because you're a pathetic piece of shit that's good for nothing besides making the world a bit more crowded. I can't take it anymore. I just can't. What the point? If I'm so miserable then why don't I just end it with a nice warm bath and a blade. Write everyone a note. I'm sorry mum, I love you I really do. I love you enough to not be a burden anymore. Steve, I'm sorry. I really am. I just can't handle this anymore. The amount of stress the other two put on you and mum, I'm pretty sure it'd be easier with one less child. Abi, don't let them get the best of you. Bullies hurt but in the long run they make you stronger. I guess I just wasn't cut out for this. Aimee, baby girl, I'm sorry you have to grow up without your big big sister but you have Abi and she'll look after you from now on. Megan and Liv I'm sorry to both of you. I don't seem to do you any good and when I'm not with you I'll try to be even when I'm not wanted. You could do without me. I'm so sorry James. I really am. I just can't handle this for much longer. I walk around almost every day on the verge or tears because I know how much of a pain I am.
So, to whoever finds this. I'm sorry. I just couldn't do it anymore. My life has become meaningless and I am a shadow of the person that I used to be. If that's not good enough for me it's not good enough for anyone.
I'm sorry.
