Loving Never Forgetting (Namjin)

Regret

Image credit: Julijo (aminoapps.com-army's)

Why I did that. How can I turn back now? Will he accept me now. I hurt him a lot. I behaved like an animal. I broke his trust. I am the reason that we fall apart. These feelings haunt me daily.

I remember him falling down. I saw his knees getting hurt. He was unable to get up. After my unbearable slaps, his face was swollen. I saw blood dripping down his cheeks. His teary eyes were seeking love. Tears were littering his angelic face. Still, he got the courage to ask for Jimin.

He was a perfect boyfriend, perfect husband, and a perfect father. Jimin always called him as his mother. He smiled at that word. He gave me more love when I called him wifey. He never cared about words. He was touched by our love. He never laid a finger on me or Jimin angrily or aggressively. His heart was full of love.

He considered me as a very strong man. Sometimes he called me hulk. But sometimes I felt that I am weaker than him. When I was angry he always calmed me. In my whole life, I have seen him getting angry only once. It was when one of his friends called me a faggot. That day five men including me were holding him to stop him from killing his friend. He has a strong body with wide shoulders. He is a very manly man than me.

Neither he or I were gay before we met each other; he was heterosexual and I never cared about a gender when it comes to having sex. My friends usually said that they will be not surprised even if I say I had sex with a dog. I was an impulse person who will be very upset if I miss my dosage of sex. In the end we fall in love; an angel and devil fall in love. I always dominated him on the bed. I always questioned in my mind why he never complained. Maybe he loved me more than I did. Yes, maybe that is why I am the person who failed our relationship. He trusted my every lie even he knew I was lying. He smiled and simply said you are a terrible liar. And I didn't trust him when he needed me the most. I deserve suffering.

Now I see them from distance. Jimin takes care of his mother very well. I saw once he punching a kid older than him because he called his mother ugly. I also thought that kid should have some kind of eye disease to call him ugly. He deserved that punch.

I want to say sorry. I want to hug him. I want to love him. I want to call him mine. But I don't have the courage to do that. And I know Jimin doesn't remember me. I don't want to make his life horrible. I know, when he gets to know what I have done he will hate me forever.

A tear rolled down my cheek without a warning. Now I'm crying. I only have the pictures of them which I click whenever I follow them. I left everything three years ago. I don't even know why I am living.