When In Rome #ONC 2020 [COMPLETED]

14. Veritas Odit Moras - Truth hates delay

The fibulae kept pricking his shoulder. The cumbersome toga was weighing him down as he made his way to the professor's office. In his mind, he kept replaying the fight he and Liv had at the beginning of the month. Sure, they have had arguments before, like any couple, but this one seemed different. Usually, Liv didn't hold a grudge and would apologize after a couple of hours of cooling off. Yet, this time they never mended their fight. Liv had kept cooking the meal and fulfilling her duties at the temple in brooding silence, while he kept busy with his work and the training at the Ludus Magnus, making them spend most of their days apart. 

"You are never there for me!" 

"I want to but -," Zach countered before spotting a woman arguing with another man who echoed what Zach had wanted to say. The woman merely huffed in response, keeping her foot down about the notion that she should be his priority.  

"Well, maybe he is doing all those things for you. To provide for you." Zach countered louder than he would have wanted. Two pairs of eyes immediately locked onto him, one gratefully, the other defensively. He could feel his body starting to shake as he kept telling himself to breathe, just keep breathing. 

"Mind your own business," the woman spat. But the man now intervened, "he's right. I've been working extra hours so we could go on that trip for our anniversary. I wanted to surprise you, Anna, but I can't do that if you keep checking on me every hour of the day."

For a moment, Anna stood there, gaping like a fish out of water before she stormed off in a huff. The man turned to Zach, extending his hand. "Thanks, man. I didn't think we would meet again."

Shaking the man's hand, Zach looked at him quizzically. 

"I lent you my phone, remember?" The man explained. 

"Oh - yes - thanks for that."

A bright smile lined the man's lips as his face lid up. "No problem, you looked like you needed the help. I'm Matteo, by the way."

"Zach."

"So, Zach, is there any reason you are always wearing togae? If you don't mind me asking."

Zach readjusted the fibulae on his shoulder. "It's for an experiment. My girlfriend and I are living like ancient Romans for a year."

Matteo's eyes widened in surprise. "That must be so hard. How are you guys holding up?"

For a moment, Zach contemplated lying. "We're getting by, I guess. We fought not long ago. And ever since then, I've only been coming home to prepared meals and mended clothes, but she has kept her distance. I think it's over in her eyes."

"It sounds to me like she still cares about you," Matteo concluded, much to Zach's surprise. "Think about it, if she wanted it to be over between you two, would she still go through the effort preparing all those things for you?"

"You're right. I never thought about it that way." Zach realized. "Oh, my God. I've been such an idiot, telling her that she didn't do the things she was supposed to be doing, but I never thank her for -"

"Don't be so hard on yourself. I won't pretend to know what you two are going through, but if you want my advice, I would not overthink about the things that you can't change. Accept them and focus on what you want, that which you can change. You make the decisions, don't let someone force you to make them." Matteo explained as his eyes locked unto the floor, his grip tightening around the strap of his backpack. 

"Thank you," Zach responded before carefully adding, "why are you helping me?"

The look Matteo gave him was one he had seen many times before, staring back at him in the mirror. "Because I know anxiety can be a real bitch," he mumbled before walking away.

The conversation stuck with Zach for the rest of the day. The hours couldn't go by fast enough; he wanted to talk with Liv, explain everything, apologize, but most importantly, thank her. It felt like a boulder was lifted off his shoulders as he realized he was finally in control. No longer a puppet of his fears, and his duties, he could make things right. For once in his life, he could be his own savior. The thought was like a drug, filling him with a confidence he never had before. He stepped out of the car before it even reached the Domus, enjoy the sunlight on his face as he walked the rest of the way until he heard a scream come from the atrium.

It was followed by hysterical crying, the screaming sobs only interrupted by the person's need to draw breath. It was a primal sound, one we're programmed not to ignore. The commuters turned their heads, as Zach ran towards the sound, not knowing what to expect.

What he saw chilled him to the bone. 

Bare five steps from the door, Liv lay sprawled out against a pillar, a pool of blood covering her legs and staining her tunic. She cried as if her brain was being shredded from the inside. Emotional pain flowed out of her every pore as she wrapped her arms around herself. 

"What happened? Are you hurt?" Zach muttered, kneeling beside her with shaking arms, not sure what he should do. 

Green eyes shot up to him, red veins disrupting their clarity. "Zach! We must try again. Please, I want to be a mother."

"What?"

Her nails dug into his arms as she wept against his chest. "It will be perfect. He shall be named Augustus or Augustina, and it will be perfect."

Pushing her away, Zach looked straight at her as if she had lost her grip on sanity. "Liv, babe, what are you going on about? Having a child in these conditions is madness!"

The sobbing stopped, and her stare turned dark as she mumbled. "You think I can't do it. I know I can, I can be a great mother."

"I don't doubt that, but this is insanity. We live in a Domus. Where is this coming from all of a sudden? Why now?"

"Why? Because I don't have much time, Zach!" She yelled back, before slumming in again, wrapping her arms around her in some form of comfort. "I have a BRCA2 gene mutation," she swallowed, not daring to face Zach, "It means I have about a 50% risk of developing breast or ovarian cancer. I might even have to remove my ovaries at 30 if I am at risk."

His heart stopped as the moments of what he had written off as lively jokes flooded his mind in one crashing wave. At the bar, at the temple, during prayers, how did he never notice this. Why didn't she tell him? He pulled close, trying to push the nagging feeling of her doubt in him away, "but there is still time, just think about this before-"

"I have been thinking. Sitting still here, being lectured about being a virtuous woman, I've been doing nothing but thinking. And when my period came so late after the banquet." when the wracking sobs passed, she cried in such a desolate way that no-one could bear to listen for long. "I was so happy, Zach. Please, I beg off you."

Breaking free from her grip and this tsunami of crushing emotions, he stared blankly before shaking his head. He wanted to understand, to empathize, but not to be forced. Never again. "No, I don't want this. Not like this." 

She sank to her knees, and he watched her go, dissolve in the kind of despair that can take one's mind prisoner and never give it back. But he couldn't stay, the air was strangling him, so he ran as far away as his feet would take him. If only he could go back in time, regain that control once again.

Total word count: 17.131

A/N: Things are only getting more and more complicated. Why? Well, relationships are complicated. And right now, Zach and Liv will have to confront there own demons, which let's face it, is never easy.

If any of you have or know someone who has the BRCA2 mutation, I really sympathize with you/them. It runs in my family as well (I have it too) and you're suddenly forced to ask yourself so many questions that you're not ready for, that you are tempted to just throw caution to the wind and live every day to the fullest, trying to suppress the inevitable. Carpe diem.