The Edge of Park Jimin

Chapter 2

I was busy feeling conflicted about all of it and forgot I was leaning against my front door in my still-dark apartment. A knock on my door startled me momentarily. I looked through the peephole to find Jimin standing there again. Confused, I opened the door.

"Uhhh," he began slowly. "Actually, Saejin, can I come in first?" I stood aside to let him enter. We both removed our shoes and entered my living room.

Turning on the lights, I gave him a questioning look. He took off his mask and his coat, ruffling his hair and standing with his hand in his pants' pockets. He shook his arm as he reached his hair, allowing the sleeve of his loose-fitting shirt to expose his forearm. For a moment I thought he was a model. I removed my own coat before realizing that all the liquids I had drank that night were catching up to me. "Hang on, Jimin, I have to use the toilet, I'll be right back. Take a seat."

I returned to find him sitting on the couch; his jaw was tightly clenched, and he had a look of determination in his eyes while he fixed his gaze on my floor. I wondered if he had sat like that since I left for the bathroom. I sat next to him quietly. He brought up his hands like he was trying to explain something with them. Something told me the best thing to do was to keep silent and wait for him, but my heart sped up in anticipation.

My mind raced through a million reasons he could have possibly had to come back after saying good night earlier. Is he cold? Is he still drunk? Does he want some tea? Is something wrong? Does he think it's a bad idea if I go to Japan? Does he think I'm making a mistake? Does he think I'm not good enough to do something like this? That last thought was the one that scared me the most. In that moment I realized I care for his opinion a lot.

He finally took a breath, looked me in the eye with that determined look, and said "Don't go to Japan."

I stared at him for a few seconds before processing what he had just said. I stood abruptly, feeling defensive. "What!? What do you mean!? Why shouldn't I go to Japan, Jimin?" My hands closed into fists. I wanted him to praise me, not tell me this. I wanted him to believe in me. I had spent so much time trying to raise his self-esteem, and now he was going to try to destroy mine?

"Wait, wait," He stood to his feet. "I'm not saying that you shouldn't go to Japan, I'm saying I don't want you to." He spoke quicker now.

"What's the difference?! Why don't you want me to go?! What are you trying to say?! You don't think I'm good enough, do you!" I was boiling furious, but I could also feel tears coming to my eyes.

"No! No, Saejin, that's not what I'm saying!" His voice raised to meet mine. His eyebrows raised to meet in the middle and his eyes widened, making him look apologetic.

"Then what?!" I wiped my eyes quickly, but the tears kept coming up.

He took a deep breath before continuing. "What if you end up staying there, huh? I'm not saying this because I don't think you'll be good enough. I think you'll be so good, they'll want to keep you there longer. And then-" he cut himself off.

I took the silence as a chance to calm myself down. I took my own deep breathes and wiped my tears. "And then?"

He looked me straight in the eyes and almost whispered, "And then I'll miss you too much." His voice was serious, as if he was sure of himself, but his eyes had softened. I searched them and found sincerity mixed with desperation and fear. His lips were pursed in that way he does when he's feeling anxious or worried.

I felt my heart pound loudly in my chest. What was he saying? He's saying I shouldn't go because he'll miss me too much? That's not something a man says to a female friend. Is he confessing to me right now?