Singularity: A BTS Universe Story

Chapter Three: Hobi

He lay awake long after the fire burned low, the rest of them curled up against the chill.

The truth was, he rarely slept at all anymore, preferring the constant companion of exhaustion to the dreams that followed him into dreamland. Inside his mind was the constant sound of music, a song he couldn't place.

"You're up late."

He turned his head and saw Jin was awake too,  staring at him through the dying embers of the fire. "I don't sleep much."

Jin's lips quirked in a half smile. "Me either." He put his journal aside and moved closer. "Something wrong?"

Maybe it was the night all around them, or he was tired of holding everything inside, but he heard himself say, "Pretty much everything."

He saw Jin's frown deepen, concern on his face. He leaned closer, closing out the rest of the world. "What can I do?"

Hobi's laugh was too loud, and he covered his mouth, glancing around at the others to make sure they were still asleep. He grinned sheepishly. "Sorry. I wasn't laughing at you,"  he assured Jin. "I'm not even sure what to do myself." He felt shame swamp him. Why wasn't he more like Joon, he wondered. Able to withstand. To endure. Joon carried on no matter the circumstance, but he just wanted to hide from it all.

"Just talk," Jin suggested. "Maybe then you'll know."

As a child he'd had many friends, but none he trusted as much as these. He decided to be brave this once, so he said, "There's a place that makes me very afraid, but I don't know why." Hobi didn't know how to describe the fear that possessed him when he thought of the place. "I've never been normal," he said with a grin. "But I think this thing that's wrong with me, I think it started there." He tapped his temple, where the blackness lived. "I've tried to go back there, but I get too close I black out."

"You don't remember what happened there?" Jin was grin, face pale in the subtle firelight.

"No." He thought the memories were there, buried deep, but he'd never been able to access them. "But if I could go there, I think I'd remember."

"Ho-seok, perhaps it's better not to remember." Jin was trying to be delicate, but he couldn't be. "Maybe your mind is trying to protect you from those memories."

"The doctors said the same thing, but you have no idea how it feels to be stranger to yourself. I'll never get well if I continue to let this control me."

Jin put his arms around his legs, resting his chin on his drawn-up knees. He stared up at the sky, silent for a long while. "I'll go with you," he said at last. "You shouldn't be alone."

Hobi was surprised by the offer. "You will?"

"There's a darkness that lives in us all," Jin said thoughtfully. "Mine is named regret. If I can help you defeat yours, I'll do it." He smiled a quick smile. "I don't want you to get hurt."

'I can't live if I'm controlled by something I can't understand. In and out of hospitals, pills, disbelieving stares." Hobi grimaced. His whole life had been lived in deference to an illness most people believed he was faking. "I'm tired of living like this."

Jin grasped his shoulder and squeezed. "You can't talk like that anymore, Ho-seok. I mean it." Tears swam in his eyes. "If something happened to you," his eyes wandered to their sleeping friends, "any of you, I wouldn't survive it again."

"Again?"

Jin closed his eyes and composed himself, shaking his head. "Ignore me. I'm just tired."

"You'll help me?"Hobi didn't want to impose on his friend, but hope was still curling inside him. Maybe, if he wasn't alone, he could make it. And Jin was strong, he could be the strength Hobi couldn't find in himself.