Bittersweet - Forever
~*~
The scorching heat from the sun had gently waned and was replaced by cool breeze in that late afternoon. As she alighted from her vehicle, she scanned around the area and noted the serenity of her surroundings. It was expected of that place and yet her inner turmoil wouldn't allow her to appreciate the silence.
With unsteady strides, she walked on the newly mowed lawn of the Eternal Garden.
How long has it been since she was in Manila? The days have stretched to weeks, to months, to years. She had lost count since she last saw him. Until the last moment, she should be with him; she couldn't be by his side. She had no right.
The heaviness in her heart made her movements slower. She had no more tears to shed. Then at last, she found what she was looking for.
Gradually, she knelt and sat on the ground. A voice spoke from behind. “Mama, you don’t have to sit there. There’s a bench over there. You’re not well.”
She looked at her son with misty eyes. With shaking voice, she smiled weakly. "Don't mind me, son. I have to be here. I need to be close to him." Then her tears fell down as she touched freshly planted grass with a marking that had her beloved’s name on it.
“I owe it to be with him, son.” She said as her voice broke with emotion as she plead for understanding. “I can’t leave him here. He’s alone; he will feel cold.”
"Mama, he is gone. My father is gone." His son calmly declared while she looked at him with a mixture of pain and surprise in her eyes.
"I'm sorry son; you have to meet him this way. I'm sorry I didn't tell you." She finally admitted that she bore a son from her bittersweet love affair. All the years, she was away; she hid him from his father. It was a sacrifice she chose for the good of everyone. She knew that Richard would claim them both and will insist on continuing their affair to the detriment of his career and family life.
"I know it was unfair to have you grow up without a father."
"I understand Ma. You tried to fill-in both roles. I discovered the truth a long time ago. I saw all the photos of you together; you tried to hide them in your computer. The way you look at him on the screen when you watch TV or your DVDs, I knew he was somebody very special to you. Then, I have never seen you date anyone.”
“Thank you, son.” Tears continue to stream down her face as she gazed at her son’s chinky eyes. He got it from his father.
“But Mama, you are also sick. You can’t stay here.”
“Just a few more minutes, please understand. It had been so many years that I stayed away from him.” Her voice was weak and pleading. The pain in her heart was unbearable.
Then another person joined them. “Let’s give your mom some time with Dad.”
She turned around and found his eldest daughter standing a few steps away from them. She attempted to dry the tears in her eyes when his daughter handed her a white handkerchief. She immediately recognized who owned it as it had his initials monogrammed on it.
With shaking hands and uncontrolled tears, she took the handkerchief.
She couldn’t hide anymore. It was useless to pretend when she was breaking apart at that moment. He is gone, and no one can change that.
“A day before he left us, he said I should watch out for someone who will visit him here. Tita, these are for you.” She received a box from his daughter and inside it were letters all addressed to a “princess.” One was already open.
“I’m sorry, I accidentally opened one letter. I thought it was for me. However, as I read the letter, I realized it wasn’t. So, you are the real princess.” The speaker had tears in her eyes.
“I’m sorry. We didn’t mean to hurt you and your family. I’m sorry if….” She muttered apologetically. She didn’t finish her sentence as her chest constricted.
“No, Tita. I understand. Dad was never remiss in his duties with us. After reading that one letter, I wondered how you both managed life being away from each other. I have my family now and I know what love feels."
She shook her head as she held the package close to her chest. She touched the grass once more. “I love him very much. I promised him my forever. Few years of memories with him was enough for this lifetime.” She smiled sadly as she looked at the siblings from the same father.
"So please if you truly understand my relationship with your dad, please give me time to be alone with him. I need to spend some time with him." She pleaded once more. And without a word, the two left her.
Alone as the sun was about to set, she opened a letter.
“Princess, in the age of technology, I find myself writing you a letter. You’ve cut all forms of communication between us. Up to now, I couldn’t understand why. Is that so easy to do? Because what you’ve done is slowly killing me.”
She didn’t finish the sentence as everything went blurry. “No, it wasn’t easy but I had to.” She felt constrictions on her lower chest and pain started to radiate to her throat and her back. She didn’t call for help as the pain became unbearable leaving her breathless. She slumped on the grass with her arms spread over his tomb as if embracing him.
As she slowly closed her eyes, a memory of their conversation flashed in her mind. "You once said, "only death can separate us." But I say to you; death will reunite us. Soon, I'll be with you." A radiant smile emerged from her lips as she finally closed her eyes.
~*~
Bright lights surrounded her. It was as if she was floating. When she looked down, she saw her son wiping away his tears as he lifted her from the ground. She realized she was outside her body. Then, he came out from the blinding light. He was in light blue suit smiling at her. He had that same expression that he wore during their fairytale wedding.
She walked towards him. “Richard” She muttered with misty eyes.
“I’ve waited for you, princess. Happy Anniversary." He extended his hand for her.
As soon as their hands touched, they intertwined their fingers. "I love you." They both said and their lips met. It was long, sweet kiss and they gazed into each other eyes again, their faces reflected genuine happiness.
They turned and walked towards the same direction. “We’re together finally.” He said to which she responded. “Here is our forever and beyond.”
