𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 | dealor

the fourth telephone call

"Roger?"
"Hello?"
"It's John. Deaky."
"Oh!"

It was 7pm on a Thursday evening when Roger received John's call. Although they had talked about having a phone call about their... situation over letter, Roger thought they would have planned it. But it seems John's came out of the blue.

"Sorry if I caught you at a bad time. This is pretty much the only hour i've got free this week, looking after Nonna and all... wanted to call you." The shaky voice on the other end of the line exclaimed.

Roger smiled softly to himself. "Even if you did catch me at a bad time I would have made time for you."

Good one, the blonde thought. Turn up the flirting game.

John giggled and God, Roger loved that sound.

"How is she?" Roger asked slowly, not wanting to upset the brunette.

John hummed and pressed the phone closer to his ear and shut his eyes. "Not too good. She seems to just be getting worse. She's spent a week in the hospital. She's coming home tomorrow morning."

Roger quickly realised that the last thing John wanted was to be reminded of his sick grandma and so he soon changed the subject.

"I think we should talk."
"Yeah."

Roger let out a sign and placed his thumb and pointer finger on his forehead.

"I meant every word I said, Deaks."

John let out a wobbly sigh, the butterflies in his stomach going haywire. They were bouncing up and down to the point where John thought he'd throw up from the sensation. He didn't.

"I did too. But now that I think about it, i'm not too sure."

Those were the words that the blonde dreaded to hear. Wasn't too sure? Granted, it was risky and it would be hard, but Roger was willing to at least give it a go. Test the waters a little?

"What do you mean?" Roger replied with urgency.

"It's just... it would be so hard. And I honestly don't think i'd be able to handle it if anything went wrong. I'm losing my Nonna day by day, she'll be gone soon and i've come to terms with that. I can't loose you, too." The youngest cried.

Roger knew he was right. He wouldn't be able to take it either. If anything did happen between them and then something terrible happened to Nonna, Roger wanted to be there for John.

As much as he wanted things to escalate between them, for them to become more than friends, a deep part of Roger knew he was making sense. It wasn't the time to act on quick decisions. Plus, with everything piling up on John, it wasn't fair to him for Roger to be adding to that stress. Roger should be the one calming him down and soothing him, not presenting him with hard to make decisions.

"No, you're right." Roger admitted over the phone. "You're right. With everything going on with your nonna, I think it'll be best to hold off for a bit. I want to be here for you and i'd much prefer being here as just a friend rather than not be here at all, y'know?"

John was so glad he understood. He desperately wanted for their relationship to deepen but he knew that if he said yes, he wouldn't be able to fully commit as of now. He needed to put his nonna first and foremost. He didn't have time for a relationship right now, and he was so happy Roger understood that.

"I do want to be with you in the future Rog, I do. I really do. Just... not now." John squeezed his eyes shut, letting a tear run down his face. "Will you wait for me?"

Roger nodded until he realised John couldn't see him. "Of course. I'll be right here."

Freddie sat in the living room with John, the blonde's feet situated over his lap (after many disgusted noises from Freddie). It was your typical lazy day. Both boys had been sat down watching the TV for around 5 hours until another letter came through the postbox.

Roger sprang up from the sofa as soon as he heard the rattle of the letter box and ran towards the door.

"Is it from loverboy?" Freddie called from the living room, picking up a boiled strawberry sweet from the bowl on the coffee table.

"Mhm." Roger hummed back in reply. "But i'm scared to open it."

Freddie cocked an eyebrow. "Why's that dear? Normally you tear the envelope to shreds."

The blonde let out a melancholy sigh and sat down next to his best friend, placing the unopened letter on the table for the time being.

"We talked over the phone yesterday. You see, i'm whining about it now but it was a much needed call."

Freddie didn't understand so he asked Roger to go into more detail of what happened over the phone.

It had been around four days since the call and this was the first letter he'd received since. The blonde told Freddie how John wanted to wait before things took off between them because of the whole Nonna situation.

"Well, it seems a very smart decision, actually. He needs time to look after his grandma and the stress of this... relationship.. won't help. So you've been rather smart for once, darling."

Roger nodded slowly. It sure didn't feel like he'd been smart. But he knew Freddie and John were right. Now wasn't the time to be selfish and cruel. He needed to help John through whatever was going on with Nonna, be that either as just friends or boyfriends.

"Aren't you going to open it then, silly?" The dark haired man teased, reaching for the letter and passing it to Roger. "Go on. I wanna read it too."

Roger opened the letter with immense caution and lifted the letter out of the envelope. He unfolded it with his hands, a smile gracing his face once he saw John's lovely italic handwriting once again. It felt like forever since they last wrote each other.

Dear Rog,

I think this letter will be short. I don't really know how long I can sit here at this desk and write before I start crying again.

Roger's happy mood instantly deflated. "One sec Fred, I think i'm gonna have to read this one on my own."

Once he reached his bedroom, he looked back at the paper again.

I'm going to cut to the chase and say it. My Nonna died last night. I can't really say it was sudden. I knew it would happen eventually. It's just she was so happy and dandy during the day. It was one of her best ones, health and mood wise. I don't understand.

I don't understand anything at the moment. I'll probably refrain from writing for a while. I need to get my thoughts together. But please, don't think i've forgotten about you or ignoring you. I'd give anything for you to be here right now but since you aren't, I need to figure out everything.

Thank you for being the kindest and sweetest and most genuine human I have ever met. I think about you everyday.

All my love,
Deaky x

"Roger? Roger, dear, are you alright?" Freddie was knocking on the door, and Roger hadn't even realised he'd been sat frozen on his bed crying for an hour and a half.

Roger shakily got up and opened his bedroom door, his eyes burning with hot tears.

"Oh, darling, what is it?" Freddie squeezed the blonde in a tight hug, rubbing his palm up and down his back in a soothing manner.

"How much money do we have?" Roger sniffled, using Freddie's lovely cardigan as a tissue, but the eldest didn't seem to mind.

"Out of the money we've saved up?" Freddie asked, still continuing to calm the sniffing boy down. Roger nodded and clung tighter to his best friend.

"Around 500. Why?"

"Because I'm catching a flight to Italy."

so sorry! its been bloody agesss since i updated but i have a ton of school work that has been piling up. so sorry my loves!

and roger's going to Italy!!! Thoughts?

Love u all xox
Abs.