✍🏾🥀🖤

It's confusing...
One second your overly happy,excited even...for absolutely no reason
Your thoughts are just everywhere
You can't think straight
Your mind is going blank
You feel as if your fading away
Your heart feels as if it's on fire
It's slowly burning and nobody notices...it can't be saved
It's slowly falling down turning into ashes
All of a sudden
you
Want to say things you don't mean
You want to push everyone away
You want to be left alone when In reality you just want to be held as you cry onto her shoulders
BREATH
There we go...holding that breath back again I see..why can't you just be normal...what did you do to become this fucked up...you want to be happy THEN STOP PUSHING YOUR HAPPINESS AWAY
You can't take it anymore
You don't want to be here
Realization hits you like a train
You're still depressed
Ughhh
WHY WONT YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE
your no longer alive and it feels as if your still taunting me
I'm still blaming myself for your horrible decisions
Haven't you done enough
You took everything from me and left me there to die alone
Why can't you just take a deep breath and breath
Why does it feel like your air ways are slowly closing
You want her
You need her
But your losing her
Your pushing her away
You don't see it because right now your lost and confused trying to find your way back home but just look for a second
Your hurting her along with yourself
You want to love her
But. Your. Pushing. Her. Away.
FOR WHAT.
Breath...
Just breath...
Your tired of hurting but your allowing yourself to hurt your own feelings...
Why can't I just be normal
One second I'm laying down perfectly fine spilling my heart out then the next something clicks and I feel so lost and confused...do I honestly want to be here? What's stopping you from getting up and just grabbing those pill bottles? What's stopping you from grabbing that sharp knife
What's stopping you from grabbing the rope
Maybe it's because you know how bad it'll affect everyone once your gone but it's crazy how they don't know how dead you honestly are inside...
BREATH
Stop over thinking about absolutely nothing and just breath ...you got this..now calm down and breath

One day...will someone love me how I want to be loved? Will I actually feel it?

I'm Fine Just Rambling On About Nothing✍🏾🥀🖤