Dear Charlie (The Perks Of Being A Wallflower)

November 24 2014

November 24, 2014

Dear Charlie,

I'm writing to you because you understand and you helped me. Nobody told me about you, but I hoped if they did because I know that you'll listen and that you won't go around talking stuff about me. Please don't try to figure how you've helped me because I don't want you to. Just writing to you and hopping that you'll see this is all I need to know to give me the strength to keep writing to you.

Let's just say that I'm a wallflower like you or as I've read your letters I figured that I'm a wallflower too.

How? Well let's just say that instead of being the kid that spends their time in the hospital like you, I'm the kid that spends their time thinking about solving fictional characters problems and trying to get into their mind and their way of thinking to help myself but after doing all of that it doesn't really help me at all, or change my way of thinking about life.

To me life is something that we waste thinking about how we can be successful or how to sleep with that person in the party while we could've actually made a memory that's worthy thinking about later in life, not a disgusting image of sleeping with someone. I'd rather spend my life having no friends instead of having friends that don't actually like you or talk about you behind your back but then facing you saying that they love you or that they are really happy to have you as a friend.

I have friends. Real ones, fake ones, and ones that have changed themselves to please those fake ones. But I'm not a popular, I'm not a loner, even though in several occasions I feel incredible loneliness. You see, I have this thing that sometimes when I'm surrounded by people, I have a random urge to isolate from them. I want to disappear into thin air, and go inside a bubble. I have urges to just sit back, and write about my friends or draw a quick sketch. Most of the time, I fight these random urges. Sometimes, I don't realize and I act upon them. The people around me grow curious and ask if I'm fine.

I reassure them that this is just me.

You know those romantic movies and books? Yeah? Well I watched one before were the boy was broken hearted about the girl, which was surprising. But watching him in that big room, huddled up in a blanket, I felt an incredible sadness - loneliness, even- about him. It seemed awful that he should be plagued by anxieties about some eejit with an internet connection, when, by rights, he should be on top of the world.

I should go to sleep now. I don't even know how I wrote you this much. Well I have school tomorrow and I really don't want to go.

Love always,

Mariam